Over and Beyound
by Debbiewrightnow
Summary: Kongpob and Arthit have come very far after the first rumor of their relationship nearly tore them apart. They agreed that keeping quiet about it was the best option. Five years later they are still going strong but the weight of their secret relationship threatens to start another storm between them like none they've ever experienced. coupled with Kongpob's parents setting him up
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Before I heard the rumor, it was already on everyone else's mind and circulating fast about the company _. It isn't anything new,_ is what I thought at first; Kongpob and I have experienced something exactly like this five years ago. It caused us to have a really big fight and I was sure I would lose Kong but I didn' chose to staywith me. That rumor came with a photo proof but this time Kongpob and I were careful, there can't be any pictures of us together.

Still, as I walked towards the cafeteria in the company where Kong worked under his father ageneral manager, I couldn't help but be uncomfortable.

The workers knew me now from my frequent visits—not because of Kongpob but because Kongpob's father and I have a working relationship. I come over most times for work related reasons and rarely to see Kong. His father thought we were just friends and has even welcomed me into his home to meet Kong's sister and mother. I felt like part of the family, and like an asshole too for deceiving them; they had no idea I was in love with their only son.

When I took a seat just by the window; the company's cafeteria glass windows that looked down to the busy road, I felt that the voices behind me weredirected at me but not to me.

They belonged three, giggling young women

"Ah so he is gay?"

"But he looks so handsome."

"I know."

I was tempted to leave and just never return until the rumors died down. I didn't want anything that could ruin the peace we had tried so hard to createand stabilize over the years. Besides, I wondered where the rumor could have stemmed from and if leaving might just confirm those rumors.

"P'Arthit," I didn't even hear him come close to me yet I looked up at the sound of my name and his face was in front of me and of course too close.

"Kong," I tsked as I pushed his face away. He chuckled like he found me funny and I could only glare at him. I glanced around and found that those gossiping set had left still I didn't feel comfortable doing this so close to home.

"Kong, let's go somewhere else," I said before he could say hello.

He paused, still smiling and his eyes left mine to take in the cafeteria. "Why? Is something wrong with the place?"

I didn't want to have to explain. I knew how much Kongpob resented having to hide how we felt for each other. He thought I was stupid and unfair for being the way I was and it was a cause for many of our big fights. I didn't want to start one of those, not here.

"Nothing, I just thought we could use some variety," I said nonchalantly. I wanted him to think I didn't really care either way.

"Ourcompany's cafeteria has a pretty big list of food. Whatdo you want to eat, P'Arthit, I will ask and maybe they have it."

"No," I said quickly, "I mean it's not about the food, just the… ambience. Yes, we've been eating lunch in the same place for too long." I made a face to show how bored I was of it.

That seemed to please him a lot, his black eyes fairly glowed and pulled one of those love smiles from me, "yeah, let's do that. I have been thinking that it's been so long since we went out on a date P'Arthit. How long… hmit's been almost a whole month."

I laughed at how he exaggerated it. "that's because you and I have been too busy."

He nodded, "yes, but I have some free time so let's squeeze it in."

"Okay, let's just go now."

We left quietly and found a restaurant that was not very far from the company so Kongpob could easily return.

He ordered his typical bland food and I still made fun of him for it and forced him to eat my own food instead.

"Kongpob, "I started after a few moments of silence. He looked at me and I thought about whether I should breach the subject.

Casually I said as I rolled my spaghetti on my fork," have there been any rumors flying around the company?"

"Rumors?"

I almost slapped my head. Of course he had no idea. Kong was so wrapped up in his work he rarely had time. This lunch was even my way of forcing him to eat because I caught him in the habit of skipping lunch. It wasn't like him but he said he needed to make his father proud so that he could have what he wanted. What he wanted was of course me. He wanted to tell his father about us, somehow he envisions that conversation going well. Stupid Kong.

I admired his determination to fight for me and to be a good son but I needed to be the clear headed one in this situation. There is no man who would be okay with letting his only son be with a man. None, let alone aninfluential man like Kong's father.

I let my Kong do what he wanted with all my support, but I had no plans of letting him do that, no way.

"Never mind," I said. He looked at me thoughtfully.

"What's wrong?" I avoided his eyes and reached for my napkin. "What do you mean?"

I should have come up with something because that was all it took to get Kongpob to smell a rat. He grabbed my hand.

"Arthit," why was it in moments like this that he called me that way. I met his eyes and knew I couldn't lie my way out of this one, and I didn't like lying to him anyway.

"It's nothing, I was just sure I heard people talking about us at the company," I said truthfully.

"That's not possible," Kong said with such certainty that confirmed what I already suspected.

'"You don't know that," I said.

"We've never done anything at the company, I hate it but I have been careful," he pulled his hand away. "Everyone thinks we are friends."

I could sense the hurt and resentment in his voice; he was getting unbearable to deal with when he got like this.

"Yeah well, it's okay." I hastily said to recover the situation

"So that's why you wanted to leave the cafeteria."

He fell silent while looking at me in that way that told me anger was brewing in there. " Kong," I reached for his hand.

He shook his head, "if it will set your heart at ease I will find out what the rumors are about. I'm sure it is not about us."

I loved him just for that, for being so supportive of me even though he hated what I was doing. I was terribly sorry for it, but I was also doing this for Kong, he just didn't understand.

"You don't have to do that, "I told him. "Don't be mad please?"

"Why would I be? Is it because of the fact that you would do anything to make sure that everyone sees us as friends instead of the lovers that we really are?P'Arthit you are my boyfriend, until when are we going to hide that?"

I could see his frustration and I disliked myself for it. I always told Kongpob that we would tell only those that mattered once I was in a good place at work and once he was working properly at the company. I thought it was a good thing, I wanted us to be strong enough to take whatever criticism that came with people knowing about us, but that actually achieved the opposite. The more I climbed up the ladder at my work place as the team leader and assistant manager, the more I couldn't picture it going very well.

"I'm sorry okay, but I don't think we are ready."

"Okay," Kong leaned on the table with his fingers clasped. "When do you think you will be ready? Because I have been ready from the day I knew I liked you. The day I fell for you P'Arthit, so tell me when you are going to be ready."

I knew Kong didn't understand, he was always reckless like that. When he talked to meI always felt like he forgets that we were not the only people that were involved in this. There washisdad, his family, his colleagues. Did he not care about how this could affect his relationship with them?

I no longer tried pointing this out to Kong; I loved him so much so I took all his anger and argument that I was unreasonable. "Kong please, not here." I said to end the topic.

He looked like he would argue but I saw his resignation before he pulled back. At that point we had both lost our appetite. I felt like crap for not being able to give Kongpob what he truly wanted and I didn't know what he felt.

When I dropped him at the company he didn't immediately leave like I thought he would. He sat staring out the window.

"P'Arthit," he finally spoke. "I know that you want to do what's best for both of us, but I think it's time that you come to a decision."

I said nothing. He turned," are we never coming out? What is our future going to be like?"

"Kong," I began to complain,

"no, don't tell me that this is not the time or place. You think I've not notice that you do that a lot whenever this comes up? I don't know what you are thinking but hurry up already, okay, before I get tired of waiting."

I blinked, what wasthat supposed to mean. I didn't get a chance to ask. He leaned over and kissed me. A soft kiss, a perk, but because it has been quite a while my body reacted harder.

He pulled back and saw the look on my face before he slowly leaned back in to take my mouth deeply. I opened to him and let him lead. My hand moved to pull his face closer and to take more of his familiar taste and his deep kisses. He tilted my head back and licked my mouth. Only when I heard myself moan did I remember where exactly we were.

I pushed at his chest insistently even as he turned his head and claimed my mouth hard again. I was breathless. Then finally he pulled away. I looked away and stared out through the windshield. My car wasn't even tinted I thought, blushing terribly. I was feeling so hot and I moved to fuss with the button of the shirt I had worn.

"You know," a smiling predator said beside me.y

"What?" I asked cautiously, pulling away from the face closing in.

"I still have an hour or so, let's go to your place for a bit."

I avoided his gaze. I was doomed to agree if I met his eyes. There's this look he gives me when he is hot for me and that always strokes the fire inside me.

"No way, we are already here."

He chuckled and leaned into me, his hands traced my chest in a way that sent my heart running wild. I licked my lips. He turned my face to him. "Please? It's been so long"

I moaned and nodded. He was about to kiss me when a loud honk tore us apart. I looked behind through the rearview mirror. I hadn't meant to park there for long so I was blocking the entrance to the area.

"Go Kong, we'll see tonight," I said quickly. He perked my cheek and I glared at him before he left laughing.

I drove out of there without looking back.

s


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: thanks you guys for the encouragement. Here's another chapter. It will get longer as time goes on.

Chapter 2

When I entered the company I tried to listen for the rumors P'Arthit had said he heard and I didn't hear anything. Even when I stopped by the workers lodge and got myself a cup of tea.

"Oh Nong Kong, your father came to find you this afternoon, I think he wanted to have lunch with you."

"I think you mean the chief," I said pointedly to remind P'Ruth that this was the company and I didn't like it when people go on and on about how I was my father's son like I was supposed to feel guilty for that.

The only thing I was guilty of was the secret I have been keeping from him for the past seven years and which honestly has kept a distance between us. I didn't want to blame P'Arthit but because of his secret and his desire to keep my father in the dark I was afraid to be in the same room with him for too long. I rarely went home to see my mother; I didn't think I could keep this secret from her when I usually told her everything.

This life with P'Arthit was making me feel like an outsider in my own family. I wanted to end it, and every day that went by that I had to lie was causing me heart ache and making me feel like a disappointment to myself and my family. Especially when I could see that my dad liked and trusted P'Arthit. If he found out now, it would be a lot harder to take.

"Oh right, "P'Ruth said and laughed sheepishly. She was a nice, plumb woman who walked closely with me in the electrical department.

"Is he still in the office?"

"I think so."

"Okay, I will go see him for a bit." I turned around and went back into the lift to my father's office.

He was there and seemed a little busy. I allowed his secretary P'Art not to bother him as I walked in. He was on the phone and so I made myself very quiet and took a seat.

"Oh yes, yes. He loves it too."

I glanced around his office to occupy myself. My dad kept his office clean and homely. It was in similar design to his study at home which showed that my dad didn't like change. Once he had set his mind on something he stuck to it till the very end.

"Of course they can meet. Sounds like the perfect match. Alright, see you soon." He ended the call looking really happy I doubted it was a business call.

"You look happy dad," I said smiling, finding his happiness infectious.

"I am son, "his smile widened, "I was just talking to an old friend of mine from my days in the university. We were really tight. Kind of like you and Arthit, only we never got to stay in touch until now."

Every time P'Arthit's name came from my father's lips like this my heart skipped.

"Oh. Then you guys have a lot to catch up on," I said without changing my expression. I was at least good at covering up. Honestly better than P'Arthit.

He had the heart of a saint and really wouldn't do wrong except that he was hiding the truth from my dad. He tells me not to come around when he was with my father because it always tenses him up, but of course I wanted him tensed up and so I would use any excuse to be there and watch him sweat buckets. Of course my father never caught on and that is why we were now considered best friends and my mother treats him like a second son.

"Oh yes, we used to get into all sorts of trouble when we were students, most of them his idea."

"Of course dad, I can't picture you creating troubles all on your own," I teased.

"What? I was every bit a trouble maker as he was, but I admit I wanted to focus on my schooling and he would drag me into these things." He laughed.

"So when are you two meeting?"

"Tonight, I invited him home. You are coming home tonight right, your mother misses you."

I tensed and hesitantly shook my head, "not tonight dad—"

"now come on, are you avoiding home or something. Don't think that I haven't noticed your long absence away. "

That's because you keep trying to set me up with someone, I thought and smiled. "That's because of work dad; my boss would fire me if I slacked off."

"I will fire your boss. You need to start going out of the office place, how else are you going to meet someone?" he leaned forward, "son, tell me, have you really not been dating?"

Here we go. The lying begins. I sighed mentally, "of course I have."

"Then how come you haven't introduced anyone to us, did you set the bar too high. Don't be so picky Kong."

I shook my head laughing." I am not picky dad."

"Then what is the problem. You are turning twenty eight in two weeks. You need to start thinking about settling down. Your mom is always home alone, she needs to have a little child to take care of, you know what I mean?"

I lowered my eyes from him," sorry dad," I said softly.

"For what son?"

P'Arthit and I could never have children. Well we've never discussed it even though there were many options but we can barely come out with the truth, how can we even consider having kids. I would never be with anyone but P'Arthit so it is very likely I was going to disappoint my parents.

"For just being a terrible son," I said and shrugged.

"Nonsense, you are not a terrible son. I am so proud of you, your mother and I. we just want you to have someone by your side. So come over tonight, she would be happy to have you home. I don't even understand why you had to move out." 

I sighed; of course I had to move out. It was already hard enough keeping this secret out here; I wouldn't be able to take having to hide my feelings at home too. In doors and around our friends was all we had to show our affection to each other, P'Arthit and I. I wasn't about to give that up by living with my parents, and now I couldn't argue with my parents anymore.

I hid a sigh and nodded, "I guess I can, for one night." I had to add that time limit to make sure my father wouldn't ask me to stay over the whole weekend. I had plans for that weekend, plans that involved me and P'Arthit in the house just as he likes. I tried to contain my smile as I thought of this.

"Great, I will call your mother to tell her."

At least my mother would be pleased, that made me feel better even though I knew I would have to lie to her again.

"Okay dad, I have to get back to work now," I rose to my feet.

"Okay son. By the way,"

I stopped on my way and met my dad's eyes; his hands paused over the keys of his computer. "Invite Arthit will you?"

"What?!" I could have downplayed my surprise and agitation a little bit. I cleared my throat and tried again. "What?"

My father's gaze turned skeptical, "what's wrong, you don't want to?"

"What?" my vocabulary seemed to have failed. I smiled, "dad, he is my best friend right? Of course I don't mind having him at home. Mom likes him too."  
"Yes," he waited for me to continue.

"It's just I don't think P'Arthit would want to come. He has been saying that he wanted to keep our relationship professional," I shrugged internally. It had to happen; I can't say that I enjoyed the relationship he had with my dad. Yes I wanted them to get along when my dad learns about our relationship but as it turned out their friendship was part of the reason P'Arthit was keeping our relationship a secret.

"I don't understand." My father had dropped his hands from his computer and was frowning. I didn't want to hurt their relationship too much but I knew we couldn't be in my home together, not with the chance that we would be caught. The last thing I want was for my parents to catch us. I wanted them to know and come to terms with it without having to hurt them like that.

"Dad, it's nothing. You know how P'Arthit thinks a lot. He is probably worried about what people would say about you if they thought that you were showing more favor to him because of me."  
"Huh," my dad nodded, "I see but you have to reassure him that he doesn't have to worry about that, we both know I don't do him anymore favors than is necessary."  
"Yes, "I agreed if only to bring the conversation to an end. "I will try to do that dad. I better go back to work now."

He nodded absently, I think what I said hit him a lot harder than I wanted. As I stepped out of his office I couldn't help feeling regret. Just one more thing to apologize for, I tried to shrug it off.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

I was eating alone at home as Kongpob had called to cancel our plans. He had good reasons, I thought as I chewed my food silently, looking at the screen of the flat screen TV I rarely ever used.

I had stopped by my way home to pick out a movie so Kong didn't have to bother and I thought back to our lunch that afternoon and couldn't help blushing and imagining that we wouldn't be doing much movie watching tonight if the way Kongpob kissed me was anything to judge by.

I think I must have been too hopeful. I glanced at the clock; it was just after eight. Tomorrow was one of those rare weekends that we didn't have to be anywhere too fast and I thought Kong would stay over for those two days and we could be together like we haven't been lately but I guess that wasn't going to happen. Not with Kong needed home.

Feeling like a total cad I couldn't help but blame Kong a bit, did he really have to make plans with his parents at this time? Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who wants to be together.

Okay that thought was unfair; if I hadn't be so stubborn about keeping our relationship low key, Kong and I would be living together. We would be waking up together and going to sleep together. I wanted that, no matter what Kong thought, I really wanted that.

I got bored with my food and decided to abandon it in the sink, but then I remembered how much of a neat freak my boyfriend can be. He would never let me leave things just lying around whenever he was around. He cleaned up after me, which was so embarrassing I had to start cleaning up after myself to make him stop. I remembered his smile at me. I had been so embarrassed I knocked him on the head for no reason.

My hand started to reach for the plate but then again, I paused, he wasn't here now and I don't know when he is ever going to get the chance to be here.

I walked out of the small kitchen and settled on the bed in front of the TV again. I pulled one of the pillows covered in maroon colored pillow case to my chest and focused on my movie. The heroine was boring and the male lead was stupid.

I wanted badly to complain about them but there was no one to complain to. My eyes looked at the time and what felt like hours had only been twenty minutes. I glanced at my phone just lying there upside down and the urge to use it overcame me.

As I reached for it I told myself it was to make sure he was okay and to see that nothing out of the ordinary was happening. I mean he was having another set up dinner; I was right t be a little worried.

He didn't pick on the first call or the second; my third call was just because I was worried. _Worried about what Arthit, that his parents have eaten him?_ I berated myself but it wasn't enough for me to disconnect the call until he picked.

"Hey my love." I smiled knowing that he was only saying that to tease me. I also knew he must no longer be around his parents and their guest to say that.

"Who is your love, why are you being so careless, "I argued with him just to argue.

"I'm all alone in my room," he told me and I heard rustle like he was removing a piece of clothing.

"How was dinner?" I asked to distract my thoughts.

"Awkward. I don't know why my dad keeps doing this."

"There was a girl wasn't there?"I asked with a sigh of resignation.

"Yes, dad's best friend's daughter. "

I tried not to be too irritated because after all it was only natural for parents to want to set up their children to get them settled down. Kongpob wasn't growing any younger and he was their only son, a well loved one, and they were just looking out for him. But the boyfriend in me was jealous, irritated and wanted to yell at them to leave him alone. But that person was irrational, not to mention delusional.

"Can't you tell them that… I don't know, you are not ready or something," I ended up saying irritably.

Kongpob chuckled, "jealous?"

"What?" I denied it with a laugh and a shake of my head. "I just find it annoying. I don't think parents are that interested in who their son dates the way yours are. That's all."

Kong chuckled quietly, "you are jealous," he whispered. "You know I can just end all of this, we can."

I blinked unseeingly as I pictured what Kong was suggesting, "yeah right, and you think that would go over well."

"Come on Arthit, you know it beats this. The more we keep this a secret the harder it would be to come out."

It wasn't that I didn't know that, I did. And many a time I thought of how good it would be to just let it out and stop tensing up whenever someone started talking about gay people. I wished it was that easy.

In my silence, Kongpob said," P'Arthit, do you know that I want to be there with you right now"

My breath caught with sudden longing. I shook my head," but you can't."

He continued like he had not heard me," when I kissed you this afternoon it was like a well opened up inside of me. A dry, aching well, P'Arthit. I'm so thirsty for you right now."

He was whispering into the phone and my breathing was rising up and I was feeling warmer by the second.

"Kongpob," I warned but I didn't really want him to stop. It wasn't the first time and though I couldn't get used to it my weak heart wouldn't let me cut him off.

"You know, P'Arthit, I have been thinking about you all day, I can't concentrate on anything. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. I want to see you so badly."

I bit my lower lip and shut my eyes as the dull ache in me flared up. "I want to see you too," I sighed at myself.

"I wish you didn't have to go, "I confessed.

"I can still come," my eyes flew open but I tried to control my racing heart.

"n-no Kongpob, you promised to stay over."

I heard him groan then what sound like body falling heavily on something, "P'Arthit," he called me in that way that had me almost drooling. I have to end this call; I was on the verge of begging him to come. I didn't know I was this starved for Kong or I never would have let him leave.

"How," my voice shook, "how are you going to get away?" What was I saying?! My eyes widen at my mistake but I wasn't taking it back.

"I can give any excuse, don't worry about that. " I heard movement and knew he was wearing back his clothes. I shouldn't do this, his mom and his dad they needed him there, he needed to be there but my fingers went to my lips then my hair as I listened to him dress and I didn't say a word.

"I'll call you when I'm close, "he told me and we ended the call.

I sat there feeling like a criminal for that and still not being able to stop it. Plus my heart wouldn't stop pounding. How is it after seven years I still felt this way about Kongpob? This yearning was insane and it wasn't going away, I knew that when three years ago I had tried to fight it.

I pulled away from the depressing memory. To say our seven years together has been peril free would be a big error. It certainly wasn't sunshine and roses and it probably never will be but even then there was no doubt that I loved him. God the extent of that love terrified me sometimes.

I have to say that while I stood by the balcony staring towards the gates for Kongpob's car I thought excessively of how wrong this was and how out of control I was for calling Kong to ride that distance all the way to see me with the risk of disappointing his parents. I knew how important Kong's parents were to him, to me, but I was so ungrateful and so crass I just needed to have Kong with me tonight.

I sighed and glanced at the time on my phone screen. Eleven. It was too late to call him; Kong was probably half way here already. And even if he wasn't…

I glanced at my bed through the glass doors and shook my head. I couldn't do it, after all. I was the worst kind of person.

I heard honking and turned to the gate. There was a car pulling into the compound. I squinted and could make out the red paint of the Toyota Avalon that Kong liked to ride. I folded my lips and watched him step out of the car. He was wearing the same work clothes I saw him on that morning sans the tie.

My eyes must have called him or maybe he was in the habit of glancing at my window; his head lifted and we stared at each other silently for a brief moment where my heart pounded hard in my chest.

 _ **I**_ n a few moments I saw him walk up the hallway to me. I was holding the door open for him with my back to it and my arms crossed. I guess I was going to grill him a bit about talking me into agreeing to this, but when I saw him my stomach tightened with desire and I couldn't do anything short of pull him into the house.

He smiled at me, "sorry to keep you waiting, "those words sounded formal but his eyes were full of heat.

I stepped back to escape his closeness and he only followed and closed the door behind him. I helplessly stared at him as he trapped me to the wall and stared at my mouth.

"You shouldn't have come," I said pointedly meeting his eyes, "how are you going to explain it. "

"Don't worry about it, "his hands on my chin tingled all the way to my stomach and I warmed even more. "Missed me?"

I sighed and relented myself to this seductive jerk. I was the one who kissed him first. I leaned forward and pressed our lips together and just that was enough to set us on fire and I was no longer shy or hesitant. I kissed his mouth as hard as he kissed mine and hooked my arms around his neck to press us closer. All the hard planes of his body fit into mine and it felt unbelievable. It felt like relief from thirst only to find that the source was very sweet and satisfying and only made you hungrier, thirstier.

I let Kongpob lead us and he took off my shirt expertly over my head without keeping our lips apart for too long. I seriously couldn't bear to stop kissing him, touching him and he was just as frantic to taste me and to touch me everywhere.

I took care of Kong's buttons and ran my hands over his torso and around his back as his mouth deepened with mine till we were gasping for breath.

He maneuvered us to the bed whereas my world and vision was Kongpob. I only paused when I felt cool sheets on my hot back. I spread my legs to quickly accommodate Kongpob and then I was lost.

 _ **T**_ he next morning I stretched my worn muscles and smiled at the bright blue sky from my balcony then I took out Kong's clothes from the bucket and hung them to dry. I had washed it for him while the guy was still sleeping.

He usually didn't sleep in, not like me, but I had guessed he was tired last night and after we made love he had collapsed and slept off. I wondered how stressful working for his father must be. Normally you would think it would be easier but for someone like Kongpob who always wanted to make a difference in his father's company he tries to work twice as hard.

I walked back into the room and climbed on the bed to watch him sleep. His expression was truly relaxed and he didn't look quite so lecherous. You wouldn't think he was the one riding my body tirelessly and asking for more last night.

My ears warmed and my cheeks prickled as that image came easily to my mind. I began to trace a line down the side of his face to his chin then his lips. I started when his mouth opened and licked the tip of my finger.

"Hey!" I pulled it away and stared at him wide eyed, "if you were awake just say so."

"And miss you trying to molest me?"

"What?" I Slapped his shoulders as he chuckled, eyes still closed. "What are you even saying," I said.

He opened one eye and met my eyes, "blushing as I suspected."

I shook my head with a smile and covered his eyes with my palm, "go back to sleep if you are going to be crude."

He laughed and tried to take my hands away but I stubbornly replaced it with my other hand and he rose up to grab my waist and twist me onto the bed under him.

"Hey, hey, "I complained laughing. He stilled and looked down at me smiling.

"Good morning, "he said. I scoffed at his greeting which wasn't very sincere as I could see the glint in his eyes.

"Don't' even try it, "I pushed at his chest with my hand and blinked at his lustful expression.

"Don't even try what, P'Arthit?" I stared at him, "I only wanted to greet you"

"Fine fine, I have heard now let go."

He pushed down even more, startling me but I refused to take my hands from between us. It was the only thing keeping him away from my lips.

"But you haven't answered back, P'Arthit."

"Good morning, "I said without hesitation, grinning triumphantly.

"You didn't add any endearment, "oh please, I struggled to avoid his lips.

"I said it didn't I?"

"I'm not satisfied." I twisted my face to the left and he attacked my exposed neck, his fingers tugged at my collar and exposed more of my skin to his lips.

"Kongpob!" I cried out when I couldn't get him off. Was he always this strong or was I not putting in enough effort.

"Enough, enough," I conceded defeat to the expert at stealing kisses and he let up to grin down at me. I was panting a little from the effort but he didn't look tired at all and was looking really happy.

"At least go and brush first before you start, "I pretended to concede defeat.

"What about you?"

"I have been up all morning, it's nearly noon now. "  
"Oh," he looked at the clock over the bed and seemed surprised.

"Things at the company must be really busy huh," I said vaguely. Kongpob hasn't been talking much about how working for his father was going, it just seemed to not be going as well as he pretended because of how stressed out he was.

His eyes came back to me again, "were you not the one that wore me out P'Arthit?"

I blushed, "yeah right."

"I remember a certain someone tying themselves to me and moaning—"I clamped my hand over his mouth and glared into his smiling eyes.

"Not another word Kongpob," even after all these years I was still in the habit of using what Kong called my hazing voice on him. I guess, as I thought back to the night, that I might have been a little more worked up than usual. Well he couldn't blame me and he was just as worked up too!

"Just go take a bath," I took my hand from his mouth and tried to roll away. He refused to stop pressing me under him.

"Wait, "he said, "Let's talk about how we are going to spend this day."

I gaped at him, "aren't you going back to your parents today?"

He shook his head and I saw something in his eyes that made me suspicious instantly.

I rolled away and he let me go but kept one hand on my arm like he couldn't bear to not have physical contact with me. I let it be in favor of confronting what felt like a problem.

"How did you convince your parents you were coming here," I asked.

"I… didn't"

"What?" I didn't understand what he was saying. "You just up and left?"

"I know what you are going to say but P'Arthit it is not a big deal, it was late in the night, and they had gone to sleep. I left a note too."

He sounded reasonable but I didn't feel like it was the same Kongpob I knew. "You haven't seen them in a long time though. Don't you think they deserve a reason?"

"Well I couldn't give them one!" he exploded in my face so suddenly all I could do was stare at him speechlessly. He avoided my eyes and stayed silent for two seconds.

"I'm sorry P'Arthit," he said. "I didn't mean to snap. I'm going to go take a shower."

I grabbed his arm as he made to get off the bed. He met my eyes and I could see the reluctance in them. He didn't want to talk about this and I didn't either. I felt like we would fight and ruin this day but this was too important to ignore.

"Let's talk about it, Kongpob," I said seriously so he knew that I wasn't going to listen to anything else.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: hey guys! Here on time with another chapter. Hope you guys love it. It is not certain yet but I believe this is going to be a two part series. I'll update you guys about it as we go.

Hope you enjoy this chapter, forgive the grammatical errors. Thanks for reading.

 **Chapter Four**

He wasn't letting this go. I could see that and I just wanted to forget it, to move on about this problem. I didn't want another confrontation, another argument. I was too tired and that made me feel like I wouldn't be able to control myself. Most of our fights went out of control mostly when I couldn't control myself.

When P'Arthit was angry he had a tendency to react in two ways: one, ignore me and give me the silent treatment, two, yell at me and on occasion be a little violent. Not hit me, no, but he threw things and slammed things about.

I didn't want the silent treatment, I couldn't deal with that and if he started yelling I think I would yell back too so I said, "Can we not?"

He frowned. "Maybe pause and do it some other time."

"I don't even understand why you did this, it's not like you. Why are being like this?"  
I held back the desire to lash out. Why did he think I was like this? The pressure was becoming too much for me and even I can get tired too. When was P'Arthit going to see finally how much toll this was taking on us and especially on me? I was going against myself and what I believed in for him.

"Why don't you take a moment to think about that with your own brain," I dragged my arm from his hand and got off the bed. I wasn't doing this but I felt from the deep breath behind me that it had already started whether I wanted it or not.

"Kongpob," he used that tone on me again. I closed my eyes and fought for control.

"Think about it, P'Arthit, what could I have told my parents that wasn't a lie?"

He said nothing and I turned to meet his eyes. He was angry but I hoped that he understood. "I couldn't very well tell them the truth, because that would be bad right, you don't want them to know what we are so I couldn't tell them anything. I hated that after hearing their trusting laughter I had to make up some lie to explain why I had to come be with you."

"Then you shouldn't have come," he said it so simply I couldn't take it. I rounded on him, "why? Are you regretting it now? What we did last night, am I the only one who wanted it Arthit?!"

He lowered his eyes guiltily. "You are right, it was my fault. I shouldn't have called you."  
"Is that all you hear when I talk about this, that I want you to find more ways to keep this secret?"

"Kong, please—"  
"no way, look, I'm tired. I can't do this anymore!"

The silence that fell around us was almost stiffening. I grabbed P'Arthit's arms and pulled him to me. "Let's tell everyone, P'Arthit, let's come out. I promise you that the world won't explode from it, there are many people coming out in Thai, it's not a big deal anymore"

His eyes had shut down on me though and he ripped his hands away from me and glared, "I'm not doing that, and if you are tired you can just go!"

He turned and was going to leave me which sent terror through me. I reacted by grabbing onto him and forcefully wrapped my arms around his waist to make sure he wouldn't leave me. I couldn't bear the thought of breaking up with P'Arthit and when I think about the last time when he tried to leave me, when we fought each other like we were enemies, my vision turned black and I couldn't take it.

"No P'Arthit! " I pressed my face to his neck. He was struggling to free himself but I wouldn't let him go. Damn it why was it so easy for him to walk away from me, from this?

"Let go, "he snapped at me, pulled his face away and was glaring at somewhere above my head.

"I'm sorry, "I said, "I'm sorry okay. I was just being an idiot. I'm sorry; don't leave me again, please." I would not let him go, no matter what. Internally I took back what I said. I was not tired, I can keep this secret, I can live with this secret. I can lie as much as he wants. I will do anything to keep this person closed to me.

He stopped struggling and stayed in my arms. I felt him take a deep breath and I looked at him to see that he was covering his face. Was he crying?

"I'm sorry," I said with deep sincerity. I didn't realize that in truth P'Arthit also didn't want to keep this secret, that it was hard for him too.

"I'm sorry I whispered to his neck and kissed him there. He was sweating a little and I could taste the salt from his skin and it just spurred me on. I needed to feel connected to him, I need to touch him. The ache had to be satisfied or I would lose it. I needed to know that he was mine and always will be no matter what.

I continued to kiss him, my open mouth closing over his skin. I felt him trembling under my ministrations and his hands that were fighting to tear my arms away had now started keeping them there, pressed to his stomach

I felt him relax into me with one aching breath and turned his head towards me, seeking me. I reached forward and claimed his lips. He kissed back and we stood there like that for a good while, his hands in my hair holding me to him.

We pulled apart at the same time and stared at each other, breathing the same air, forgiving each other and promising each other the same things we did three years ago. We knew subconsciously that we would threaten these promises again, but in that moment our hearts were all in.

"Kong, "he started and I shook my head because let's just forget it. It was no use talking about it. I don't care anymore.

"But, "he said and I kissed him again to silence the words. He resigned against me and we kissed hungrily and he turned around to fit his body to mine. He had the same body as mine but somehow P'Arthit's body created an incurable craving inside of me, I couldn't get enough and I didn't think I ever will.

I walked backwards towards the bed as I took off his shirt and kissed his mouth to my fill.

 **P** 'Arthit and I tried to avoid the subject as much as was possible. After hanging out around his apartment watching the movie P'Arthit had bought during which I berated him for picking up a stupid romcom and he called me out for being a romantic and that it was why he picked it, and we had our own share of good ribbing and ended up in bed kissing a few too many times, we went out in the evening to get dinner.

We decided to just eat out instead of cook after all and picked a simple food place. I liked how we never bothered with fancy places and remembered then that I needed to find a fancy place soon and I must have grimaced because P'Arthit caught the expression and looked at the food we had ordered.

"What's wrong?" he asked, "does the food smell bad?"

I shook my head with a smile, "no, it's okay. I like the food here." It was something of a usual joint for P'Arthit and me.

"Then don't make that kind of face will you, it really makes a person lose their appetite."

"Okay P'Arthit krab," I exaggerated the politeness and grinned when he smiled at me.

We started to eat quietly and I took a new look at the old place. It had a room inside with lights and cream walls but P'Arthit and I usually preferred eating outside. I liked the music playing from the inside and the cool breeze that rolled over my skin. It all made the food very enjoyable.

"Oh right," P'Arthit broke the peaceful silence, " what about that girl?" with a non-peaceful question.

I sat straight having been leaning on the table, a bad manner anyway, and looked from P'Arthit to our food. "What girl?" I pretended to be oblivious while I tried to think about what to say that wouldn't alarm P'Arthit.

"The girl, "he said between chewing, his eyes still on his food, "the one you told me about yesterday."  
"My father's best friend's daughter?" I asked and watched him pause and glance at me.

"Yeah, that one. "He thrust his fork of food into his mouth and remained looking at me.

I didn't tense or avoid his eyes. "She is okay. She's a doctor, army doctor and she just returned from service."  
"Whoa, sounds interesting."

"Yea, I guess."

There was a silence as we pretended to be focused on our food. "And what did you think of her."  
I laughed, "How do you mean? Are you asking if I like her or my opinion of her?"

P'Arthit shrugged and popped food into his mouth looking disinterested, "both."

I smiled, "she is a nice person, her name is Anya, same age as me and she seems lively and outgoing. I like her, yes."

I watched P'Arthit with a secret smile threatening to expose me.

"hm, I guess I never thought about your type before," he said after a short silence.

"My type?"

"Yes, the type of girls you like."

"I don't have a type," I laughed.

"You like the perky ones Kongpob," I could tell he was teasing so I played along.

"No, I like the shy ones, those type who are really strict and have a strong sense of responsibility but are very feisty in bed."

"Kongpob!" he kicked at me under the table and I laughed at his failed attempt.

"What about you P'Arthit?"

"What about me what, "he gave me a wearied cautious look and I chuckled. "What's your type?"

"I don't think about those kind of things, "he waved me off which was so unfair.

"I already told you mine, you have to tell me yours. That's how it works."

"Says who?"

"I'm going to tickle it out of you, "I raised my fingers and wiggled them.

He glared at me but I could tell he wanted to laugh, "don't even try it, I'm not going to play nice."  
"My fingers are itching," I threatened, leaning over the table. We looked like two friends being playful and I have no idea why someone started taking pictures.

I ignored the first two flickers in favor of reaching for P'Arthit and laughing as he slapped my hands and lean backwards till he was almost falling off the chair, but the sound came closer and I had to take note.

When I turned left she stood in front of me dressed in shorts and a big t-shirt unbuttoned showing off a black strapless top underneath. Her long, black hair moved with the wind and she had her iphone facing us.

P'Arthit saw her after I did and sat straight causing me to seat back and we both stared at her.

"Sorry, Kongpob," she walked over smiling sheepishly, "I thought that was you and as I saw you I thought it was so cute I don't know when I started taking pictures. That was so rude of me," she pretended to hit herself then her eyes turned to P'Arthit, much to my apprehension, and she wai to him. He returned it looking from me to her.

I wish I didn't have to do this but I was the only one who could introduce them. I cleared my throat, "Anya, this is P'Arthit, he is my senior from school and P'Arthit, this is Anya."

I didn't give her a moment to start speaking and grabbed her arm, "Anya, let's talk for a bit." I dragged her away before any of them could utter a word.

I walked a bit further from P'Arthit and let her hand go. She stared innocently up at me and I did feel a little awful about treating her that way. "Why are you here?"

"Huh?" she blinked a few times and smiled, "oh yea I was going out for dinner. I just moved in the other day and I have been doing so much unpacking and stuff." Her excited expression was lost on me.

"You just moved to the area?" I was appalled. This was the same neighborhood P'Arthit and I lived in. Since we couldn't move in together without raising any eyebrow, and P'Arthit was paranoid enough to not let that happen, we lived only a few blocks from each other. Why did she have to move here too?

"Huh uh, "she nodded. "Do you live in this area too Kongpob?"

I pretended not to hear her, "I thought you told my parents you were living with your parents."

"For the time being. I just got back from service and I am still recuperating and everything, plus I wanted to reassure my mom that I was fine but then I wasn't going to keep staying with them. I'm a grown up." Who is unmarried? I didn't want to point this out to her besides what good would it do.

"Why did you pick this area to move in? " I asked with a subtle smile while taking in her smiling expression that seemed innocent, but it felt like too much of a coincidence. Just yesterday we met and now she was in front of me again.

"I heard it's a good area, quiet and honestly I need that. "She looked around as though she could see what she was describing. "You haven't answered me Kongpob, do you live here too?"  
He sighed and nodded. There was no point hiding it, she was sure to find out soon enough.

"Wow, that's great, what a huge coincidence. I love these kinds of things, feels like destiny. I want to tweet about it now."

I felt a headache coming on from how rapidly she was speaking. "About that, I still don't understand why you took pictures of us," I said and glanced behind me. P'Arthit remained where he was but he was looking at us expressionlessly.

"Oh?" she flushed deeply, "no reason."

"That was really strange though," I said frowning, hoping she understood that I wanted a reason.

"Ah, oh well, "she laughed and covered her mouth looking very happy and shy. "Promise you won't laugh?"

I sighed and nodded. "I'm a BL fan," she covered her mouth again and I thought she would become a bubble of happiness and float away.

"bl fan?" I asked. I knew what the term meant but I couldn't fathom how she thought that related to us.

She quickly explained, "You and P'Arthit look really good together, you make a lovely bl couple."  
I sighed at how close to the truth that actually was. I didn't think about what our behavior in public would look like to other people. If she thought so now how long before she figured out that it was actually the case.

"Thank you but can you delete that?"

Her expression sagged so exaggeratedly I blinked. Was it that important to her? "Why?" she asked.

"Well, "I glanced at P'Arthit, "he doesn't like having his picture taken secretly." I lied, my mind pulling up the many times I had taken my lover's pictures when he was unaware. I had a few of them locked away in my system.

She looked at P'Arthit, "can't I just keep one."

I shook my head like I was sorry she couldn't do that.

"What if I ask him?"

"He might get angry. I really don't want him to vent his anger out on you."

She smiled up at me with such trust; I didn't feel a little guilty about lying to her. It wasn't her business to know. I watched her delete the pictures and then nod at me.

"Okay, I'm done, can I join you guys?"

I was so horrified I didn't hide my expression very well. "Is it not okay? "She asked in a frantic worry.

"No its fine, but we are meeting again tomorrow right?" I smiled, "I would rather wait till tomorrow when we are alone. Besides you look tired, I don't want to keep you out too late. So just go home and we will talk later."

"Okay, "she nodded, her cheeks flushed. "Alright, say bye to P'Arthit for me."

I nodded and she waved to P'Arthit, turned and walked away while hopping like a kid.

She wasn't a bad person, I thought, I didn't want to have to hurt her, but if she hung around my life for too long I would whether I wanted to or not.

I schooled my expression first before I turned to face my boyfriend.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

He walked back to me looking normal and I tilted my head to take a good look at him. I let him seat and waited for the moment to come on its own. I didn't want to start asking questions even though there was a lot I wanted to know.

"Sorry about that, "he said as he sat down and pulled his cold food closer.

"What happened, why did she leave?"

"I told her to," He said simply, "I didn't want her to intrude on our little time together."

I avoided his eyes to hide how pleased that made me. "And? Who is she?"

"Anya, she is the girl we were talking about a few minutes ago."

I recoiled and blinked at him,  
"the girl your father is setting you up with? Really?! And you couldn't tell me that?"

"Does it matter? "He had this resigned look as he began to move his food around. I sighed and shook my head.

"So, did she come here looking for you?"

I saw him pause and lower his eyes."No."

"No, "I repeated. Why did it feel like Kongpob was keeping things from me? Damn it I hated when he did that. "Tell me everything, "I demanded.

"She moved into the area, P'Arthit, "he said and shook his head. " I had no idea. I thought she was living with her parents."

I stared agape. That was not good, no, it was very bad. The area wasn't small but she was a daughter of a wealthy family and that narrowed down the places she could live in quite a bit.

"Oh crap," I muttered and saw him smile.

"Yeah."

"Does that mean we would have to move again?" the last time we had to do that… I don't even want to remember that but I really didn't like moving. I wasn't at home a lot of the time but that place was still home, it had some of the best memories with Kongpob.

"I would like to say yes but I already told her that I live here, it would be strange if I move out immediately after she told me she moved in."

Who cares, I wanted to say but I figured since she was not just some girl but the important daughter of Kong's dad's friend it would surely come back to smack us in the face. I sighed and glared at the smiling Kongpob.

"Hey, what are you smiling about, "I asked.

"I thought you would be more jealous, I guess."  
"Huh?"

"I'm pretty sure though I'm not certain that Anya moved here because of me."

I sat forward. "What?!"

He chuckled, "she was very pleased with me, is what I gathered from our conversation last night."

I frowned as I didn't particularly like Kongpob's tone of voice. "Huh uh, "I said.

"You know you are the only one for me right, "he said and dared to make a kissy face.

"Kongpob, "I snapped at him and looked around to see if anyone saw.

"She said we made a lovely Bl couple, "he told me.

"BL?" what is that?

"Boys love, man on man action," this guy! I kicked him under the table and he laughed while complaining at me.

We continued like that till we were home then Kongpob forced his way into the shower with me and we had a short battle of wills—which I won—but he won the one on the bed when he forced me into a cuddle while I pretended to hate it. It was a little hot though.

That weekend had me feeling refreshed the next day at work and I was on fire. My nong came in poking his white colored hair through the door. "Boss, you look extra hyper, did you have fun with your girlfriend?"

Nong Pete was a tall lanky young man, fresh graduate from the university and someone I didn't like having around very much simply because of his insistent interest into my life. I was particularly not fond of how he also show cased himself in the office, dressing inappropriately.

"Pete, "I glared at him but I couldn't keep that look. "Why are you walking around, didn't I give you some work to do?"

"I'm just taking a break, "he replied easily. It's not yet break time; in fact it was just past nine.

"Whatever," I said and tuned him out.

"Team leader, you didn't scold me."

"Do you want me to scold you?" I asked, lifting one eyebrow. What a strange inclination this one has.

"Then team leader can I seat and chat with you for a while?" he was already coming over to seat even though I haven't given him permission. I sighed, deciding to allow it for only a moment; I did not tolerate slackers but a little bit wouldn't hurt.

"Since you are having such a good relationship with your lover, I was wondering if we could go on a double date. What do you think?"

I opened my mouth and closed, not sure what to say. I was not the one who told Ai Pete that I had a girlfriend but Kong had sent me a present as a sort of surprise some few months back and he saw it. Without much help of course he jumped into his own conclusions.

Okay he had speculated that I might have a boyfriend and when everyone got really curious I became offended and he—they agreed that it was a girlfriend and I just… let it seat like that.

The funny thing was that, I was so worried about what my nong would think of me because I could see how much he and the others looked up to me that I didn't see that Ai Pete was gay.

Well, he dressed colorfully and was a bit flowery in his movement but how was I supposed to know.

"I don't think so, Pete, "I replied after a moment. First of all I was too ashamed now to reveal even to him that my lover was a man too. What a troublesome situation, I sighed to myself.

"Aw, why not team leader, common. There is this new place my lover and I were thinking to try out. Let's go together, na?" he was pulling on my arm and looking like a puppy.

I shifted uncomfortably and shook my head, "we are too busy—"

"Na, Na? "His eyes became really wide and cute. I avoided them as much as I could but he kept coming around to catch my eyes.

"Fine!" I said and tore my sleeve from his hand with a sigh, "let me—let me think about it."

He smiled prettily and got to his feet. "Tomorrow night?"

I couldn't look at him as I nodded.

I contemplated the thought all day after he left. I had only agreed to get off the hook but I began to wonder maybe I should tell him and maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I mean his lover was also male. He wouldn't judge Kongpob and me, and if we tell him not to he won't tell others about us.

I started to think it was a good idea when I got a text from Kongpob which said: _that weekend has ruined me; I can't stop thinking about you._

It pulled a wide smile from me and I thought: for the first time in years Kongpob and I were happy. We still had a lot standing in the way to complete happiness but he has given me everything I wanted, tolerated my mistakes, my flaws, I loved him beyond anything I could describe so why couldn't I do something for him.

I remembered how we had almost fought last weekend. If I could show Kong that we would come out one day, if I could give him this date, how happy would he be?

So I texted back and after a few back and forth I told him he could come over and spend the night on a work week, which usually wasn't wise.

 _ **It**_ was beautiful, his smile when I opened the door, it was all I could see. I thought he would hug me out in the corridor but he contained himself till I had the door closed and then his arms were around me, his lips on mine and his hands getting naughty.

I pushed him away after a short but heated kissing. A bit breathless I said, "I didn't call you to come for that."

I put some reasonable space between us.

"I just missed you. "He said and took off his suit jacket to keep it away neatly. His things were scattered in spares around my apartment but it would take me some time to point them out because they were now all so intertwined with mine.

"So you said, "I took a seat on the bed. I was dressed comfortably in a t-shirt and shorts. He stood by the wardrobe and looked at me smiling.

"So you didn't miss me?"

I shook my head to deny it.

"Really?" he walked over and sat next to me. I lifted my eyebrows in assent because I didn't want to lie to him with my mouth.

"Okay, your eyes are saying other things,"

"They are not saying anything."

"Then let me ask your ears," he blew on my left ear without warning and I leaned away.

"Hey!" I covered the sensitive organ. "Don't do that."

"Then tell me the truth?" he shifted towards me, I shifted away. He shifted again and I shifted away. We shifted till I was caught between him and the headboard. I looked meekly up at him while smiling on the inside, and he moved to block my escape with both hands on the headboard.

"If you won't tell me, I'm going to start asking your body, "he said and without waiting he started to kiss my neck which tickled me so much I laughed and pushed at his chest.

"Enough, enough," I gave in and he pulled me down with him. I was lying on my back and he was straddling me.

"So?" he asked with a sweet smile that I had to kiss. I pushed off the bed and kissed his mouth.

"There, "I said when I pulled back, my cheeks warm.

He shook his head, "that's cheating," he said. "But I love it."

We didn't go further than a few kisses because we were too tired for anything else so we settled for cuddling and talking about our day. Okay I only allowed the cuddling later—geez what was his deal with cuddling.

"So do you have any plans tomorrow?" I asked.

"Hmm, no, why?"

I couldn't wait to see his happiness when I told him what I was thinking of doing, it felt so right.

"Well, I was thinking—"

"Wait, you want to go on another date? What's with you these days P'Arthit, you've been giving me a lot more than you used to."  
I sat up and looked back at him—because I was almost always the little spoon—and I asked frowning, "what's that supposed to mean?"

He tried to pull me back to him but I resisted, "come on, let's not fight. I was only teasing."

I eyed him as I returned back to my position. He smiled; I could feel his lips against my neck. "But you have to admit, you never let me stay over on a work week."  
Well, that was true. Kongpob can be…distracting and intolerably romantic at times and whenever I gave in to his seductive advances I usually regretted it the next day which was why I always tried to keep him away until weekends.

That is not to say the mischievous prat didn't find ways to get me. His arms locked around my waist and settled on my lower stomach.

"So what were you saying?"

"Oh yeah, I was thinking we could go out together with one other couple." I said it a little too fast but he got the gist.

"Like a double date? Is that wise?"

I sat up again and he let me go so I could seat and meet his eyes. "I—I thought maybe we could, you know, "I found I was a bit embarrassed and I looked away, "come out a little bit at a time."

I didn't see his face but I felt his joy the next instant when he hugged me and kissed me all over. "what, what" I flayed about in surprise and he let me up to capture my lips in an achingly sweet kiss.

I cupped the back of his head and he caressed my cheek, and then we pulled apart but still stayed close. "Yes, I would love to go on a double date."

I grinned and perked his lips. "That's good then."

It felt fulfilling to do this and I really felt that it was the right thing to do but I didn't know what was going on in Kongpob's mind.

Author's note: I'm happy to see you all love the story so far, I hope you will continue to read and enjoy it. In the course of the next chapter, there would be some back-story that didn't happen in the show. Be patient with me, I promise it would all make sense.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

My phone was ringing and just as soon as I separated with P'Arthit too. It was not a number I was familiar with.

"Hello, "I said into the speaker as soon as I answered.

"Kongpob?" the owner of the voice was also unfamiliar but it was feminine.

"Yes, who is this?"

"Ah! I'm such an idiot, I was so caught up in other things I forgot that we hadn't exchanged numbers yet. "  
I remained silent, beginning to realize who was talking. "so I got your mum to give it to me which was rather rude, I'm sorry that I just called you without saying anything and you are probably very confused, you probably don't even know who is speaking and I won't shut up so you can speak." Awkward laugh here.

Then she continued, "Sorry, my social skills are a bit rusty and I haven't talked to many guys. I mean I have but I don't think bedside manners count as talking, you know—"

I had to cut her off." Anya, this is Anya right?"

"Uh, yes, sorry—"

"It's okay. It was my fault for not taking your number, I forgot." That was intentional.

"It's okay, no one said it had to be you. So anyway, I was just wondering how we are going to get together again."

I sighed with a silent groan, closing my eyes.

That night our parents weren't very subtle, when they introduced us, that they wanted us to date. Which was okay, I was used to that and I knew how to get away from those types of scenarios, but they pushed us into agreeing to go out on one date. In fact my father insisted that I take a day of work, which I kindly refused, to spend it with her so we could see if we were a match.

They had to beg us and I could see how eager she was to try so I couldn't refuse them too much. I agreed while hoping to find a way out of it later. I thought I did when I remembered that after sending her away I can plead that I didn't get her number and I couldn't reach her in case anyone asked and then there was P'Arthit. I wanted the matter settled without having to involve him.

"About that," I began with some pain at having to disappoint her.

"…your mother already went and booked a place…" I realized she had been talking while I was silent.

"What!?" my eyes flew open and I stared at a group of students buying congee at a breakfast store. "I'm sorry, my mother did what?"

"Wait, "she paused, "you didn't know?"

I had been avoiding her calls all day yesterday. I guess I should have picked. No, I should have seen this coming.

"I was shocked too but she said it was a new place and she wanted us to try it too." she stopped talking, "I'm sorry, I am such a cow."

"No, no, don't insult yourself, it's not your fault. I will call my mother to explain things."

"Yeah…" she trailed off. " I just feel that it would be such a waste though, I mean we are still going to go out, aren't we? I promised my dad that I would give this a try and I meant it. What about you Kongpob?"

Put like that I felt even more like an ungrateful son than I already did; I just couldn't do one good thing for my old man. I keep feeding him lies and avoiding home, acting like a prodigal son to my mother and with this one thing I was going to have to disappoint them again. I had felt how important this was to my dad that night; he really wants to bond the family with that of his old friend.

But even as badly as I felt I still couldn't do it. What would P'Arthit think? At the very least I should tell him, but I pictured that conversation and all I could see was us fighting. No, it was better to just end this now.

"I know, Anya and I'm sorry but I can't go on that date with you."

"Is it because of me?" she asked almost immediately. "Because I know I can be weird and I talk really fast, my looks are so-so and I told you that I'm a bl fan. Oh no, that must have scared you!"

"No, no, Anya, that's not it. It has nothing to do with you," I hastily said in between.

"Then… is it my dad? I knew it, he was too forward, I knew my dad was going to ruin it with all that false buster."

"No, it is not your dad either, it's just me. I can't date you because I am in love with someone else."

After I ended the call, I tried not to worry about what I said coming back to haunt me. I mean I didn't say that the person was P'Arthit and really, what else could I have said. Anya was ready to put the blame on herself or someone other than me and I couldn't let that happen. That had settled things fast and now that problem was solved.

Or so I thought.

The next day I was thrilling over the prospect of someone P'Arthit knew knowing about us I did all my work on time and left the office fast. I rode straight to P'Arthit's place and found that he was not yet home so I left a text for him that I was going home to get dressed and that I will be back in an hour.

I got to my place which was only a few blocks from P'Arthit's apartment and when I got to my door I took note of someone by my door. It was my mother. My eyes went wide.

"Mom?" I walked over and there she was, dressed elegantly in a red-black gown and beside her was Anya. She too was dressed in a gown but not as elegantly. She was a shock to see on my doorstep. I stared at her like she was a ghost, an apritition that I couldn't explain.

"Hi," she smiled and waved at me before avoiding my gaze.

"Kongpob, finally, why are you only getting home now? Don't tell me you are like your father, working yourself to death." the reprimand was all that got me to gain control of my expression.

"Mom, what are you doing here?"

What I wanted to ask was 'how did you know about this place'. When P'Arthit and I moved I didn't tell my parents because I thought it would be safer like that, they wouldn't walk into us doing anything if they didn't know where we lived. And also I wanted to have this little sanctuary to myself; I didn't want to be afraid of anyone or anything when I was here with P'Arthit. How did my mother find it?

"I bet you are dying to know how I got here, " she smiled at me then her sweet expression fell, "well I'm not going to tell you, " she said.

I gaped at her "mom," I wanted to complain to her but she wasn't listening.

"What are you waiting for, open the door."

I stood there in between decisions. There was no way I could convince my mom to go away and if I tried she would only find me more suspicious. I didn't understand why she was here, she and Anya, but if I wanted to make a guess it would be about what I had said before. But why bring Anya along. This was so awkward.

"Well?" her eyebrows twitched with impatience. I sighed again and pulled out my keys. My only comfort was that at least they wouldn't find too much of P'Arthit's stuff in the apartment. I spent more time in P'Arthit's house than I did in my own, than he did. The only incriminating thing they could find was the spare toothbrush P'Arthit used whenever he was around. I will get rid of that as soon as I can.

I opened the door into my apartment and they pushed me to the side and walked in. I frowned and shook my head at Anya's apologetic look. My mother was likely pulling her into this. Her arm was on Anya's, guiding her.

"What did I tell you," I heard them whispering.

I went into the bathroom and retrieved the toothbrush, and just in case, looked around the bathroom for anymore things I might have missed. But the bathroom was a empty white tiled space, with glass shower doors, a cabinet with all my shower necessities and a few of my towels. P'Arthit used my towels when he was here.

I kept the tooth brush in my pocket leaving mine to seat lonely in the cup and returned back to see my mom going through my wardrobe.

"Mom!" I shouted, horrified. What was she up to now? My mind raced as I wondered if she would be able to identify the couples's shirt P'Arthit and I share. She shouldn't, we never wore it in front of her. It was a white sweater shirt with the picture of a minion on the front.

"Honey, are you done taking a shower?"

"A shower?" I asked and glanced around to find Anya looking through the things on my table with a small smile. She caught me watching and smiled. I couldn't return the smile, this was stressing me out.

"Mom, seriously. "I walked over and closed the first door of my wardrobe. I stood in front of her keeping her out of my things. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean? are you not going on a date with Anya? You promised that you would at least try."

I glanced at Anya and found her holding my diary about to open it. I quickly walked over to her and took it gently from her with a tight smile. She looked apologetic then she went over to stand next to my mother.

"Mom," I opened the drawer and returned my journal to safety from their invasive hands. "Anya and I have already talked about it. I know we promised but we can't do it, since we…" I fell quiet as I thought about how admitting I was in love to my mother now wouldn't ring true, not when she thinks I tell her everything. She is going to think, if it came from Anya, that I was lying.

Once again I look at Anya. Why had she gone to my mother with what I told her?

"What?" my mother prodded.

"We understand each other mom and we agreed that it's better to forget it."

"You told her you are in love with someone else," she said. "Didn't you?"

Being caught in a lie by my mom was not pleasant; it left a hollow feeling in my chest and a pit like feeling in my stomach that felt like shame, and it wasn't even the real lie. "I did."

"So you were lying to her."  
"No, I just wanted—"

She cut me off, "Kongpob, you promised your father and I that you would at least try."

"I know,"

"Then why did you do this?" she was angry. I understood that but I didn't know what to say to make things better. If I told her I had been telling the truth then I was keeping things from her and she would grill me until I break down and tell her everything and then whatever drama P'Arthit feared would happen would happen and then P'Arthit would leave me and I would have nothing but my own self-righteousness.

I opened my mouth and paused. When I think about it, telling my mom the truth, I saw that she would be shocked, hurt and maybe even really angry. But she loved me, she would accept me again and during that time would I have P'Arthit by my side telling me that I did the right thing? Or would he be really angry. I settled for angry.

I took a deep breath, "yes, I lied to her." It occurred to me that I was lying to cover the truth which was one more lie for my mother to get angry about.

"I didn't want to give her hope so I said that." I looked at Anya and saw that she was looking straight at me, the hurt I was expecting absent, which was very relieving.

"See?" my mother turned to proudly declare, "I know my son very well."

"I'm sorry, "I said to Anya," for lying to you."

"Actually, I kind of figured. I mean who would want to go out with me, especially a good looking guy like you. Mom," she touched my mom's hand," I should go now."

"No, Anya, don't say that. You are a lovely girl, my son would be lucky to have you. Please forgive him for lying to you like that."  
I turned my face away. It was hard for me to listen to my mother talk like that and I couldn't take how trusting she was of me, and how supportive. Why couldn't I trust her? No, I did. It was P'Arthit, he didn't believe that my parents would accept me. Actually, I wasn't quite sure what he was thinking.

I returned to the present and found that my mother had convinced Anya not to go. She went on to hasten me to get dressed for the date. "mom, " I complained.

"Have a heart for Anya will you," she whispered and smiled back at Anya. She is a sweet sweet girl and you won't even give her a chance. At least one date, see if you don't like her, and then you can go on, do whatever you like. "

I thought about it and it seemed reasonable. "Okay, "I agreed.

I should have agreed the very first time; this wouldn't have become so troublesome had I just gone on that one date and then ended things with her after.

"Really, "her smile was pleasing; it was good to see my mother be happy. She was always upset with me these days because I rarely come to see her. She asked me once if I was living secret life that she didn't know about.

"I'm just going to make a quick call." I parted my arm from her and went into the bathroom. My body slid down the door with relief at finally getting away from those two. It was so hard to face my trusting mother and lie to her while giving hope to the innocent girl who was so unlucky to have met me.

I got out my phone after a few moments of peace and called P"Arthit. His phone kept ringing and I wondered what I should say to him. The truth would be the answer and I hope that when he heard it he would know that there wasn't much good in keeping our secret now.

He didn't pick up so I had to leave a message otherwise my impatient mother who was busy doing God knows what in my room would come in here to pull me out. I texted all that I could say to him and hoped what I said was clear enough, then I took off my clothes and got in the shower.

I didn't take my time in there because that would be rude and I knew that this wasn't Anya's fault, she was innocent in this and I just hurt her feelings.

I came out dressed in the clothes my mother selected for me and passed through the door to me, and saw the two women sitting and talking like they've known each other forever. One had a hand on the other and they were sitting really close. I didn't understand why my mother liked Anya so much and how their relationship got that close.

My mother wasn't hard to get to, and she was really sweet to everyone but she was also selective. I knew she would want nothing but the best for me. When I looked at Anya with that small body, round cheeks, small eyes, and her quiet timidity, I didn't think she was the kind of girl my mother likes. Or maybe I was putting my own impression on her. For all I know when my mother saw Anya, she saw someone else entirely.

"I'm ready, mom," I said after a moment and two eyes looked at me.

"Oh honey, your hair," my mother got up and started smoothing my hair back. I saw Anya straightening up the bed they had sat on before she turned around and stood with her innocent eyes on me and her hands clasped in front of her.

"Mom," I smiled down at her," how long are you going to be you here? Are you following us to the restaurant?"

"Oh? You don't want me there?"

I widen my eyes intentionally so she understood how ridiculous that was.

"Please mom, let Kongpob and I be alone, I think we would be most comfortable that way," Anya voiced my thoughts. I looked at her again and she smiled winningly at me then winked.

"Okay, if you say so." She grabbed my shirt suddenly, "but promise that you would give this a real chance."  
"Mom," I took hold of the grip and ease it away as I said," we will see how it goes. I promised, didn't I?"

She didn't look even a little satisfied so I said a few more things to help her before I left with Anya. We walked down out the elevator and Anya tripped all of a sudden and I reflexively caught her before she could fall on her back. I helped her stand straight and ignored her staring eyes.

"Let's go, "I said and took her to my car.

The ride to the restaurant was not long and I found myself distracted by thoughts of P'Arthit, our double date, and the fact that P'Arthit was giving me something I never thought he could. This was so important and it was the best birthday gift I could ask for and I was missing it.

I hoped P'Arthit would understand.

"Kongpob?" I admit I wasn't present when we found my mother's reservation, or when we sat down. I realized she was calling my name and so I looked at her and she was looking a bit upset.

"What is it?" I hastily said, leaning forward.

"I'm sorry. I—I shouldn't have said anything, to your mother."

Well, she was right. "It's okay." But there was no use beating her up about it.

"Let's just… we don't have to do this dinner. You can sneak off and I will just seat her alone, I'm okay with that."  
I wanted to, there was somewhere else I would rather be, but I said, "No, besides my mother is probably watching or has someone watching. Let's just get it over with."  
I picked up the menu. My eyes hadn't bothered to take in the restaurant when we entered but then I realized that it was the new place. It had a nice American feel with colored brick walls, brown polished tables and nice colors complimenting everything, a bit of grey meshed with black. I liked the refined feeling but it wasn't my kind of place.

"This place is nice," I commented.

"Right? I love it. It's always nice to try new things and that is what I have been doing. You won't believe how long it has been since I had anything foreign. I just hope that this place is good…"

It was good that she was a talker at least I can listen and comment where necessary. We ordered our food and in that time I learned what her favorite food was and her best experience in the army, her good friends; Ash and P'Ina, and what she did that afternoon.

"I need to use the bathroom," she said and laughed. "I have been going on and on, when I get back it's your turn Kongpob.

"Okay," I nodded with a smile. She left then and I took up my glass and stared out the see through walls at the night sky and the busy street.

I heard a voice shout and turned to see that it was Anya. She was wiping at her clothes. " P"Arthit?!"

That name had me on my feet and staring at the back of a familiar looking man. He was standing in front of Anya and must have poured something on her. She was wiping the front of her dress.

Unconsciously I walked towards him. "P"Arthit," I said and he turned and looked at me. The anger in his eyes was surprising. He looked away, apologized to Anya and walked out.

"P'Arthit?" I ran after him and called his name.

"P'Arthit!" I finally caught him just as he reached his car and grabbed his arm. He stopped, thankfully, and remained standing.

"What's wrong? Why did you leave like that?"

He said nothing.

"P'Arthit?"

He forced his arm away from mine and rounded on me with glaring eyes. "You are asking me? What were you doing in there?" he pointed hard at the restaurant. I turned to look at it and frowned. I thought he knew. Why was he acting like I had surprised him?


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I was held up at the office because the director made a surprise visit and wanted us to go through some information with him. What should have taken a few minutes took two hours. I nearly called Kongpob to cancel on our dinner plans, after all I wasn't the only one been held back in the office.

Pete was held back too. If I the team leader had to stay behind then my team has to stay with me. I'm not saying this to be mean, I didn't mind doing all the work alone and letting them off, but the three of them stayed to help. I was actually touched.

When we got out of the office I looked at Pete as he sighed loud after drinking the full can of soda he bought at the entrance. "Ah damn it, I never want to work again."

"We finished late," I said as I checked my wristwatch. It was seven thirty already. We planned to go to the restaurant by eight. There is barely any time left for me to get home and then get ready. Kongpob could already be on his way or waiting for me at my place.

"Yeah, why did the director have to come so late? Working overtime doesn't do well for my looks." I smiled as he flipped his bangs to the side with a sultry movement.

"You look tired, let's just go home and get some rest." I started to open my car door when he grabbed my arm so suddenly, the keys fell down and the sound echoed in the empty parking lot.

"Pete," I asked with some irritation in my voice.

"Sorry, "he bent and picked up the key, "but we can't cancel, that new place doesn't have a refund policy for reservation."

I stared at him, my head too tired to keep up with what he was saying." Reservation? But we didn't make any. You didn't come to me for money."

"Well, "he played with some strands of his hair, "honey and I thought we would treat you guys."

"What?" I smacked him on the head. Why was he acting all coy after doing something annoying? And honey? He's never referred to his lover that way before.

"Team leader?" he stared wide eyed up at me.

"Who told you to do that? Kongpob and I can treat ourselves, "I said.

"But—"he still wanted to talk.

"Anyway," I interrupted him," if you've already spent money I could pay you back but then it would just be such a waste."

I was tired but I didn't know if there would be another opportunity like this again. Besides, I was already dreading the look of disappointment on Kong's face if I told him we have to cancel.

"Alright, let's get home and meet each other at the restaurant by eight thirty," I said. Since he has already made reservations, we would still get a table even if we are late.

We parted and I jumped in my car and rode as fast as I could. Surprisingly there was very little traffic. Maybe I should be coming home at this time every day. Half my time was usually wasted on the road in the evening when I'm driving from work, but this time I got home in a little over fifteen minutes.

I jumped out of my car and hurried up to my apartment, expecting to see Kong there. He wasn't. That gave me pause. He should be back from work by now unless something came up. He would have called if something came up. I should call him.

I reached into my pocket for my phone but it wasn't there. So I searched through my briefcase and it wasn't there either. Could it be in the car?

I decided to go take a shower first before I get any more late. Maybe Kongpob was still getting ready at home. But he was always so punctual. A little bit of worry flickered through my mind as I washed my hair.

I walked out of my house dressed in a red shirt and black pants, got in my car and drove off to Kong's place. I was just about to step out of my car when, through the glass doors, I saw him coming out with someone, a woman. A familiar one.

I squinted and recognized her to be Anya; she was the girl who just entered his life two days ago. Why am I seeing her again so soon?

Something happened between my first blink and my second and when I looked at them again, Kongpob had his arm around her waist holding her to his chest. My fingers clenched around the wheels. What—what was that about?

A feeling I didn't understand bubbled inside me and turned to anger as I frowned at them. They talked and walked out of the building. They were going out, I thought to myself in certainty. Did Kongpob forget about our plans? Why was he going out with Anya? What the hell was going on?

I guess I should come out and confront him, demand an answer from his mouth. But what kind of lies would he spin?

Kong lied a lot in the past, sometimes by omission of the truth which he judged was necessary because I couldn't or wouldn't understand.

So I let their car pass me while I lowered myself on the seat. I was a bit annoyed with myself; I felt disgusting for what I was thinking to do.

I should just go home, I'm sure Kong has a good explanation for this. I glanced at my phone and the light was blinking which meant that I probably have a missed call or a message. But yet I didn't look at it. I needed to see with my own eyes what was happening. It was the only thing that could satisfy me.

Feeling my stomach twist with shame, I drove off behind them.

We ended up at the new place. I was puzzled. Why did Kong bring her here knowing I could be here? It can't be that she somehow talked her way into coming with him.

I stayed hidden outside the door looking in. They sat down and I could see that Pete and his lover, a huge man with a lot of hair around his face, were already seated to the left of where Kong and Anya were seating. They were talking and nothing terrible was happening.

I started to grow annoyed because I can now understand that this was a date. Kong had not come here to meet me, he had come here on a date, and with Anya. I shook my head and clenched my fist.

After a few moments wait I went inside to inform Pete and his lover that I needed to go. I didn't want to keep them waiting, it would be rude plus I needed to pay for the reservation and the meal. I walked in holding my head away from where Kongpob was seating, my head lowered and I went to them, but I didn't make it because I walked right into someone. Into her and she had been holding a drink which poured over her a bit.

"P'Arthit," she gasped my name so loudly, I'm sure the whole restaurant heard.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, intending to help her somehow, but then I heard his voice behind me.

"P'Arthit?" I froze, every muscle in me tensed. I wasn't ready for a confrontation. I am tired and angry and I just wanted to go home. I turned only on reflex.

Then I ignored him and walked away to my car. The idiot came after me. Why didn't he just stay with his date? He liked her so much he was willing to give up what I had felt was important to him.

Who was she to him exactly? Where was she when we struggled with ourselves and our feelings? How can he just put me aside for some stranger? My feelings were bubbling to a peek.

"P'Arthit" he was still behind me. Go away, I thought in my mind. I don't want to fight with you.

He caught my hand just as I reached my car.

"P'Arthit, what's wrong, why did you leave like that?"

Why did he think? I tugged my hand free with a violent jerk and glared at him with all the bitterness I felt. "Don't touch me," I stressed each word.

His eyes went wide and I ignored him again to enter my car and go home and sleep this feeling off till I was clear headed.

"P'Arthit," he grabbed my hand," what's wrong? Why are you so angry?"

I pulled my hand back and pushed him away from me hard. "Why do you think I am? What were you doing in there?"

The eyes Kongpob had then were of pure confusion. Like he didn't know that I was aware he was on a date, like he thought I would be or should be okay with it.

I took a good look at what he was wearing: a fine, white shirt with buttons at the top, and a grey-black trouser. He looked good, refined, fitting of his background.

When Kongpob and I went out on a date we never bothered to dress up. We wore whatever we wanted and went wherever we liked and it usually wasn't a fancy restaurant, but a simple place like the noodle place two blocks from home, the snow house, the beach, nothing that I couldn't pay my own share of.

But here he was in his element and I wondered if he only did that to please me, if this was what Kongpob really wanted and Anya was his perfect fit. I had seen her inside; her gown was lovely, though I might have ruined it. I kinda hoped I did,that was a vindictive feeling that claimed Kongpob as mine.

But I had to see the truth; Kongpob didn't really belong with a lower class like me. That thought angered me so much because I never thought of myself as lower class before; I never felt this inferiority and this gap that existed between us before.

"What are you saying P'Arthit, what was I doing where?"

"Go back," I said, my feelings shutting down. I didn't want to deal with the hurt so I let the anger rule me. "Go back to her, continue your date."

"P'Arthit, what do you mean? You know it's not like that. "

"I don't know anything but you know what, you have my blessing to do what you want. Be with her, I don't care."

"P'Arthit," I ignored the shake in his voice and the twist of his face that said I was hurting him.

"Maybe you should try it with a woman, like you were going to before, and then you would see that what you feel for me isn't real," I said bitingly because I had never truly forgiven Kong for going after P'Dean, a woman who had been crushing on me. The same woman I had told him I would date to keep him from coming back to me. That was three years ago. In fact, I couldn't face what happened even now.

"How can you say that, P'Arthit, after everything I have done to be with you, how can you say that."

"Maybe if you didn't sneak off to go on a date with your father's perfect match for you I wouldn't."

"Sneak off?" he looked at me like I was talking nonsense. What else would I call this?

"I didn't sneak off to do anything P'Arthit, I told you. Why are you acting like you don't know?!"

"You told me?" I was too annoyed to even try to remember that. "And what did I say, su su na?"

"No, I texted you. I told you where we were going, why I had to go and everything I could fit in to make you know that I don't want this. That I love you, and that I hate missing the double date and I hope we could reschedule. And every moment I was in there I thought about you. I wanted so badly to come be with you." He was starting to cry, his black eyes shimmering with tears. He hurriedly swiped away the few tears that fell like they were unforgivable but continued.

"You have no idea how important what you were giving me is to me, how happy it made me. I didn't want to give it up, P'Arthit. It was a struggle for me to do so. And I thought about how you could change your mind and take it away again. I know that it was hard for you to give me this much so I told myself I would understand."

I stared at him in speechless wonder then I opened my car, successfully this time, and searched for my phone. There it was lying in the driver's cabinet. I grabbed it and leaned out of the car. I opened my phone and yes, I could see the call and Kong's texts. He sent two of it.

 _P'Arthit, I came to your place and you are not home, so I'm going home to change. Be back in an hour._

 _P'Arthit, my mother knows where I live; she is here with Anya, I'm being forced to go on a date with her. I can't refuse my mother without revealing everything about us. I know you are being wonderful by giving me a chance to meet your friends but I can't make it, P'Arthit. I'm so sorry and I really hate this. I want to come be with you tonight, please let me and I hope we can reschedule with your friends. I love you, Kongpob._

It was safe to say that by the time I got to the end of the message, I was feeling really guilty and upset with myself. I acted so irrationally and now I have hurt Kong. The one person I promised over and over I wouldn't hurt.

"Kong," I started but he withdrew from me shaking his head.

"How could you say that, P'Arthit? How could you even think it? Do you know that I would die without you? Do you have any idea how desperate my love is for you?" his tears fell and is voice broke with pain, pain I inflicted.

"I would never hurt you like this. Why can't you trust me? Is it—is it because of what I did three years ago?"

I said nothing because I couldn't deny that what Kongpob did didn't still hurt me, didn't still rule my thoughts.

He groaned and looked away from me and I heard his choked tears.

"Kong," I move to hug him but he resisted me.

"No, I don't know how else to say I'm sorry. I don't know how else to regain your trust. "

"it's okay Kong," I held his hand and pulled him to me till I could wrap my arms around him," it's okay, I'm sorry." I hugged him for a moment before he hugged me back hard and cried on my shoulder.

He said things that were incoherent and I spoke into his ears reassuring words that I meant. I told him that I loved him, that I'm terrified of losing him and that I never wanted to hurt him this way. I didn't think about where we were, it didn't even occur to me think of people seeing us like this, I just wanted to take away the pain I had caused, I just wanted to return some happiness to the man I loved, and it was working. Kongpob had gone silent in my arms.

Once again I said, "it's alright, I'm sorry, "he said nothing but he nodded slightly against my shoulder. We stood like this, his arms around my waist and my arms around his shoulders.

He sniffed after a moment in bliss silence and I pulled back. I tried to see his face but he avoided my eyes. His eyes looked terrible; he couldn't go back to Anya looking like that

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, "he said with a throaty voice and cleared it with a slight cough that told me he was a bit embarrassed. "Can we go home?"

I blinked and looked towards the restaurant. Anya was there waiting and a bit confused; Pete and his lover are probably thinking we stood them up. I needed to at least say something to them before we leave.

"Please?" I looked at Kong and saw his need, something I can satisfy and was more important to me to see satisfied.

"Okay, yeah. Let's go home," I replied as I pulled him into my arms again because it cut me to see him like that. I pressed a kiss to his hair and let go after a moment. He turned around and went to the passage side of my car.

We got in and drove off. I would have to come back and get Kong's car. What would Anya ride? As I turned my car out of the parking lot, I caught a figure standing by the door, her dress blowing around with the wind and she was holding her hair back and keeping them from her face.

Our eyes locked through the car and I see her sad smile. My feet hit break as those sad eyes called up another face. That of P'Dean. She had looked like that the last time I saw her, she was someone Kong and I hurt. And here we are doing the same to another girl.

"What—"

I cut Kongpob off, "I will be right back," I had my eyes fixed on Anya.

He turned his head and saw her too. I see his shoulders tensed. I took over because I know that it wasn't his fault that he forgot about her.

"Where's your key?" I asked. He handed it to me without saying anything and I got out of the car and turned around to meet her still standing there wordlessly.

"Um, Kongpob is not feeling okay," I said and glanced behind me, "do you know how to drive?"

She smiled, "yeah, "she said, "I know how to do a lot of things." Her voice seemed to shake.

I handed the keys to her quietly finding it hard to keep meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry, "I said even though she doesn't understand. She didn't deserve to be walked out on or forgotten. Why is it that Kong and I tend to hurt any woman who got involved with us, women who did nothing wrong except be unaware of the secret we kept.

She accepted the keys and smiled up at me again. "I'll be okay, just make sure to take care of Kongpob. Please."

That's my job. I nodded. My eyes flickered to the door and I found Pete looking this way and hesitantly I waved to him. He didn't seem to be seeing me though, so I lowered my hand after a moment and turned to return to the car. I noticed Anya's phone and stopped.

She saw me look at it and then moved it to hide it behind her dress, which was odd, but I thought nothing of it. "Do you want to exchange numbers? I need some way to know that you got home safely," I said.

"Uh, yeah"

I pulled out my own phone and we exchanged numbers. When I turned around and saw that Kong was looking at us, I could see that he was sorry and his eyes told me he'd like to come down and say something. I shook my head, what was the point.

I got in the car and we drove off.

When we got back, Kong said his mom could still be in his apartment so we decided mine was the only option.

"I shouldn't have left Anya at the restaurant like that," Kong said as he got in. "what if she tells mom?"

I knew that wasn't what he was really worried about but I played along. "Yeah, but I don't think she will. She really believes that you are not feeling well. And you are not. "I opened the door into my apartment and turned on the light before we entered.

"Still, I just wished I had said something to her. She looked really sad, didn't she? My mom likes her a lot, I don't know why; I mean she is a good girl."

I turned around at his rambling. He avoided my gaze and fell silent.

"Kong," I walked over till I was barely a air's breath apart from him and he was forced to meet my eyes. "You didn't hurt her, she knows that you don't feel anything for her, and isn't it too early for her to feel something for you? Enough to get hurt."

He shook his head and I cupped his face, "you didn't hurt P'Dean, I did."

"No, you didn't. If I hadn't tried to force her to choose me,"

"Shut up," I said and kissed him because I didn't want to deal with his infallible opinion of me. I knew the truth, we both hurt that woman and we were both going to carry that weight around forever. That was okay as long as we stayed together forever.

I pulled away and smooth my finger over his lip. "Now let's get ready for bed, there is still work tomorrow."

He opened his mouth to argue but I let my glare shut him up.

He fell silent and we quietly went around each other getting ready for bed. I got in bed last and we both turned away from each other. The guilt I felt was too much for me to take comfort in Kongpob's touch and I don't know what he was thinking.

I pulled the blanket over us and turned off the light. The moon shone on the carpet next to the table, my eyes slowly got used to the semi darkness and I could hear Kong's breathing from behind me. I focused on it and tried to will myself to sleep.

I will trust him next time, I thought, I won't let his past mistakes—our past mistakes—ruin what we have. And I don't want to ever hurt him like I did today again.

I turned to see his back still turned to me. I should say something, anything that would make him feel better.

I turned away without saying anything and stayed in the silent darkness that was somehow comforting and suffocating at the same time. Like drowning with the certainty that you won't die.

Sometime in the night I felt him shift towards me. I was between sleep and awake. I let him guide me to himself without saying a word and I let my arm wrap his and shifted to accommodate his face pressed to my neck.

It felt like a dream half the time but it couldn't be because I felt too good and I fell deeply into sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I wanted to think things were back to normal between me and P'Arthit. I went to pick up my car from Anya's place, which was surprisingly and thankfully a good distance away, the following morning and we talked properly and agreed that we didn't have much in common and that it was best to be friends.

We parted ways on good terms and when I called P'Arthit that afternoon I told him about it and he seemed pleased.

Since it was a work week, P'Arthit and I couldn't see each other in the night. I wanted so badly to know where we stood. That morning hadn't really cleared anything up; we had both been in a hurry to leave for work and to be honest, I was too anxious to bring it up.

I had thought we were okay since P'Dean, but I guess not. That was a long time ago but it was like that moment in our lives would never let us be unless we deal with it.

So I was looking forward to my weekend alone with P'Arthit, who knew my parents would invite him for some weekend vacation I wasn't even told of.

"P'Arthit, "I said as I watched him pack his things. "Why are you the only one invited for this vacation when I wasn't even told?"

He glanced at me and shrugged, his silence told me he was keeping things and doesn't want to have to lie by saying anything.

"P'Arthit?" I wouldn't let up; he didn't expect me to be okay with this did he? "Will you answer me?"

P'Arthit sighed and turned around to look at me. "I'm sorry okay. Your mom cornered me at my workplace to talk," he said and his expression was not delightful.

"Not about me and Anya, was it?" he gave me a thumbs up and I groaned.

"Anya said she was going to talk her out of it, I guess that didn't work out."

"Maybe it did. Anyway, she diverted to talking about your father and how she wanted to take him on a vacation from work and said I should come along." He raised his hands and shoulders at my look of dismay that he agreed to go on a vacation with my dad and mom, without me.

"What could I say, you know how your mom is." He said and pulled the zippers of the backpack he was taking.

I did know how my mom can be when she wanted something; still, I was hurt that I wasn't even invited. She must be mad at me about something, she is even taking P'Arthit! It can't be punishment for Anya, could it?

"So what am I supposed to do while you are in Koh Samui enjoying yourself around old people?" I asked.

"Read?" he glanced at the pile of paper work I had taken home with the intention to work on it one step at a time. I frowned and he walked into the bathroom.

I followed. "P'Arthit, the weekend is practically the only time we get a full day to be together."

"We were together on Monday and on Tuesday, "he counted on his fingers, "take that as your weekend."

"Why are you in a hurry to join them anyway, you don't sound like you don't want to go at all," I eyed him with rising suspicion. "What are you hiding?"

He gave me a wary glance while putting paste on his toothbrush, "nothing."

"P'Arthit," I stepped warningly into the bathroom. He started to crack, a smile showing forth.

"I'm not hiding anything," he said and took a step back. I tackled him and we started struggling and laughing as he tried to get away from my grip.

"Okay, I yield, let go." He said. I let him go and he took a step away from me. It was a pretty tiny bathroom so there wasn't much space for him to run till he has confessed.

"Guess what my bribe was?"

I tilted my head, unable to follow. "Why would you need a bribe?'

"Your mom actually wanted to bring you but she was worried you wouldn't want to come, so she bribed me to go and you will follow me."

"Huh," I scoffed at his confidence, "go on."

"She offered me home made meal."

"What?! You sold your boyfriend for a cooked meal, P'Arthit," I was feigning an affronted look but I found it pretty funny. "Don't I cook well enough for you?"

"Kong, you burn water," P'Arthit argued

"Shut up," he was right, I couldn't cook but I tried and there were always convenient stores. I guess I could see the lure if we are talking about my mom's cooking.

"You know one thing I can do better than my mom and you don't want to leave without?"

He had a teasing look on and provoked me,"yeah? What's that?"

"This," I pulled him to me and trapped him by the wall next to the sink. He laughed and shook his head.

"You will miss it faster than I will," he argued. I just wanted to kiss that mouth till it cannot do more than sigh and moan.

"For your sake, I should go with you," I said, trying to convince him otherwise. "It's two whole days, you can't last."

"Huh, uh, yeah right." He pushed me away and started to brush his teeth.

I folded my hands and leaned on the door post. "I guess I could come along, " I said.

He met my eyes through the mirror, "but I don't know that it would be wise."

P'Arthit and I didn't spend too long together around my family for good reason. What if we were not careful, what if they catch something simply by looking at us, what if they find out. I wanted my parents to know that P'Arthit was the love of my life but I wanted to tell them. It wouldn't be nice if they find out by walking in on us or by coming to their own conclusion. There would be too much hurt.

"Probably not," P'Arthit rinsed his mouth and I watched his head, still I didn't want to be apart this weekend. We'd had a tough week and I would like to start healing again.

"But we have been avoiding them a lot lately, it is going to start looking suspicious, that's why I agreed to go. So pack up and we would leave tomorrow."

He made to walk pass me but I grabbed him around the waist from behind and pressed my face to his hair which smelled of shampoo and purely P'Arthit. A sweet smell I was forever addicted to.

"What if I want to touch you, "I whispered and pulled away to catch the red on his ears.

"You can manage," he said trying to shake me off.

"I don't know that I would be able to hide how I feel about you for two days P'Arthit. My mom is perceptive, she could figure it out."

"So what do you want to do?" he asked, tilting his head towards me to meet my eyes.

"It's a risk, is all I'm saying. If they start to wonder, can we tell them?"

"Kong," P'Arthit exhaled and moved out of my arms so that he could turn. I let him go easily. "I want them to know too, you believe that right? I just want us to be in a safe place when they find out. I don't want you to get hurt by anything people say. Unlike me, you are not insignificant."

"P'Arthit, you are not insignificant either," I said with a sigh. It saddens me whenever P'Arthit looked down on himself.

"That's not how I meant it," I nodded and he pulled me down to kiss my forehead, "I just want everyone to be okay, including your parents. I need them to have something and not feel like I am…destroying you."

I shook my head, but he didn't want me negating him. I hugged him then and hoped that my feelings were clear enough to him.

We arrived at the station and my mother tried to pretend to be surprised that I was coming along.

"I already know mom," I told her and smiled at her look of disappointment. "You already bought me a ticket didn't you.  
"Oh well," she sighed, "anyway, it's very interesting that you won't say yes to me anymore but you say yes to Arthit son."

Arthit smiled beside me. We were standing appropriately apart, both of us holding our own things.

"P'Arthit has better bribes," I snarked.

"Ah, so I see."

"Isn't this lovely son, our first vacation together in almost three years?" My father was dressed embarrassingly in shorts and flowered shirts.

I shook my head at him, "what are you wearing?"

"Your mother's pick, ah?" he even turned around as if on a fashion show for geeks, "you like?"

P'Arthit was chuckling secretly beside me and I just let my eyes do the talking.

"I'm sorry, am I keeping everybody waiting?"

That voice came from behind me and when I turned, Anya in shorts, blue shirt and pink tank top was waving to us.

"Anya?" I said in disbelief. Why was she here? It was hard to convince myself that she was just seeing us off. I glanced at P'Arthit to see my shocked expression reflecting back.

"Oh darling, never mind that, you are right on time." My mother was on her like bees to flowers.

"Dad?' I asked the only person left to explain.

"Oh?" he looked between me and the picture I didn't want to see of my mother and Anya, "they've become… friends. Anya said she needed a moment away and your mother thought this was a good idea."

"But it isn't. You know that we ended things right, dad, you accept our decision?" I hastily tried to confirm that this was not another scheme of my mother to get me hooked to Anya. I felt P'Arthit's hand brush mine, telling me to calm down.

My dad sighed, "I have already made my peace with the fact that you are never going to like any of the girls I pick for you, son, so I have decided to let you pick for yourself, as soon as you are good and ready."

I glanced at P'Arthit, I couldn't help it. I just needed him to see how accepting my father was. "Then mom?"

"I can't speak for your mother," he replied.

"Please, don't even start," my mother returned to us, her hand still latched onto Anya's, "I'm not going to be that kind of mother that pushes a girl on her son. Since you don't want her P'Arthit can take her."

My horrified expression must have been comical. Like hell he will, I thought vehemently, itching to hold P'Arthit's hand just then but I restrained myself, barely.

"Thanks mom, but Anya and I are just friends," P'Arthit was calmer than I could be at that moment. I glanced at him looking calm, smiling, and it annoyed me a bit. If they all knew he was mine they wouldn't be trying to set him up, I thought, and then it occurred to me how P'Arthit must have felt all those time I was being set up with one girl after another. Just the thought of P'Arthit going on a date with some girl was enough for me to spit bile.

I bit my lip and tried to keep cool.

"Are you alright, Kongpob" her voice was peaceful and kind, she was a good person and I needed to stop acting like she was pariah in my life.

"I am fine." I said. "How are you doing, Anya?"

"I'm doing good. I'm glad to be joining you and your family. I don't make friends as fast as I thought, I'm sorry to intrude on a family vacation though."

"Oh what are you saying, Arthit son is here too isn't he, you are family my dear."

I swallowed around the ball in my throat. I still couldn't get used to my mother and Anya. There was just something wrong about my mother giving her this level of acceptance.

As we boarded the plane I felt Anya's hand on mine. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I tried to get out of coming."

I turned, "so this was my mother's doing, "I said, proud to see that my suspicions were right.

"Well, I think she just felt sorry for me, but I knew that it would be uncomfortable for you and," she glanced towards P'Arthit. "Anyway, I will try to remain scarce."

I didn't understand what hidden message she was trying to translate.

I sat down next to P'Arthit later feeling confused. He looked at me, "everything alright?" he asked.

I couldn't nod or shake my head and I just smiled tightly. Below the seats he clasped my hand making me jump. I met his eyes and found some parts amusement and some parts worry. "be good, " was all he said and then his hand separated from mine.

The plane ride lasted for no more than thirty minutes, between which P'Arthit managed to catch some sleep, then we landed.

We would be living in our vacation home in busain: a grand cottage up in the hill with large fields of sunflowers and yarrows all around to see. I loved the air, the bright sunlight and I was impatient to get down. It's been too long since I came here. I wanted to show P'Arthit all my old hangouts.

We got down from the car and I took hold of Anya's things; she brought a whole box, and shyly said, "my family doesn't do vacations, I didn't know what to bring?'

"Is there a beach around, " P'Arthit asked, his eyes scanning the place with a new light. I smiled at him.

"Yes, I'll show you once we get settled in."

"Kongpob, honey," my mother was by the porch already, the caretaker, a man in his fifties seeing to our things, walked passed her. "Would you be a dear and take Anya's things to the room on the second floor?"

There were only four rooms in the cottage, I usually used the one upstairs and I was hoping that P'Arthit and I would stay together, only a wall between us.

"Mom," I pulled Anya's box with me as I climbed the short flight of stairs, "I want P'Arthit to sleep in that room."

"P'Arthit can sleep in the room downstairs," she said.

"But I –"

"What is so special about staying in the room upstairs or downstairs? Are you intentionally trying to cause trouble because I invited Anya?"

I closed my mouth abruptly because yes. Wasn't it awkward enough for everyone that she was here, now she would be right next door to me?

"Kongpob," P'Arthit was there behind me a frown on his face.

I didn't pursue the matter anymore because even as silent as we were talking about it, the others were starting to notice.

I sighed and pulled the box inside. When I am in my room I can't stop pacing and massaging the spot between my brows.

"Would you stop?" P'Arthit was keeping me company because I promised to take him around.

"What?"

"stop acting so agitated, like there is some plot that only you know about," his look was not pleased. I could tell I was annoying him but everything about this vacation stinks, and I could swear that there is more going on than can be seen.

But P'Arthit looked at me like I was insane. "If you keep acting this way it's only a matter of time before everyone starts getting suspicious. "

"How am I supposed to act P'Arthit, it's so obvious my mom hasn't given up. I'm sure she is up to something.

"It doesn't matter, we both know where you stand, so does Anya. Who cares what your mother is planning. Besides, didn't we promise not to be too obvious, how can you keep that promise if we are next door to each other?" He stood up from the bed with a small smile, "I know you, Kongpob, a thin wall isn't going to keep you away."

"Neither will a set of steps," I said softly, already aching to close the distance between us.

'"so, what are we arguing about?" he asked. We stared at each other calmly drinking in the need we could see in our eyes, taking security in that even if we couldn't touch or kiss. I begged my heart to make it enough; I needed to make it through these two days without being caught. Without exposing our secret.

"Kongpob?...uh P'Arthit, we are going exploring, are the two of you coming?"

I frowned. How did she know P'Arthit was here? "Coming," I replied back.

P'Arthit shrugged; he didn't look as worried so we went out.

"okay, we are doing scavenge hunting," my mother said," Let's go in groups." She had changed into a beautiful blue sundress and was wearing a straw hat. She looked lovely, so did Anya who was doing a nice copy of her. I shook my head internally.

P'Arthit and I hadn't changed, still in our shorts and blue and yellow t-shirts. P'Arthit pulled out a sunglass from nowhere and smirked at me, I shook my head with a smile.

"Kongpob," my mother called my attention, "you go with Anya," she said.

I opened my mouth to complain already prepared to forget what I talked about and agreed with P'Arthit but Anya spoke over me, "um sorry mom, can I go with P'Arthit instead?"

My mother looked stumped like she thought Anya would be thrilled. "Are you sure honey?" she asked, looking between her and P'Arthit like she couldn't see the point. I wasn't much happy either.

"You came here for a family vacation and you haven't been with your son in so long, I think this moment should be for the three of you," she said.

Her words were touching and when I looked at her, I couldn't see the conniving person I was making her out to be, she was just a nice girl caught up in my mother's match making schemes.

"Oh Anya," my mother sounded like she was choked on tears. She was truly touched," you think about the things that never even cross my mind, thank you darling," she reached over and kissed Anya's hair.

I held P'Arthit's gaze before he turned and left with Anya. I was left alone with my parents.

"Such a sweet girl," my mother said as we began our walk. I kept my camera handy but I was thinking about Anya and P'Arthit. Aside from the conversation in front of the new place which turned out to be called Maclearence, I don't think the two of them have ever spoken more than a hand full of words. I wondered what they had to talk about.

"Son?" my father's voice drew me to him and I couldn't get used to the sight of him in shorts, maybe because it's been a long time since I have seen him in one.

"Where's your head, son?" he asked and I squinted at him. "I have been calling you for a good number of times now."

"Oh, I'm just worried about Anya and P'Arthit," I admitted truthfully.

"Worried about what, that they would hook up behind your back?" my dad laughed and I shook my head in disbelief at my dad using the term hook up, but I smiled because it was nice to see him this relaxed.

"Not likely," I said, that hadn't even crossed my mind. I knew that for the most part, like me, P'Arthit was straight, but I trusted him. His faithfulness would never be in question, not with me.

"Why are you so confident, Anya is a pretty girl," my dad was persistent.

"I didn't say she wasn't."

"Oh, does Arthit not like girls?"

My heart skipped a beat and then went up two paces too high but I kept my expression neutral as I met my dad's eyes. "Why do you think that, dad?"

He shrugged, "I have never seen him with anyone. He isn't dating is he? It will get people wondering."

No one was wondering because at his workplace, P'Arthit was known to be dating someone, a girl. He told me how that happened, I can't say that I was glad but it did set P'Arthit's heart at ease so that was good.

I stayed silent. I couldn't tell my dad that P'Arthit was dating, he might ask me who and then I would have to lie and come up with some fake girlfriend for him and if I said he wasn't dating then we are back to the not straight conversation. I think P'Arthit would like me to stir clear out of that one. I don't think anyone would understand if we told them we are just in love with each but not gay. Though I didn't really care about what anyone labeled us, it didn't matter to me, but it mattered to P'Arthit.

"Son?" I still needed a reply for my dad.

"I don't know," I said and shrugged, "he might be dating, P'Arthit and I don't see each other often." I had to add that last part just in case my dear father thought to get P'Arthit hooked up like he had been doing with me.

"He better be, it's not a good for a guy his age to still be alone. He should move out of that apartment of his and into his own place," my dad was very sincere and firm.

"If—"I stopped myself.

"If what, son?"

"Are you two even taking any pictures?" my mother appeared before us looking quite upset and that saved me from asking a very implicating question.

"Of course we are, no one thinks your game is pointless, dear." my dad walked over to place his arms around her shoulders and I watched them.

"No one was saying that, so you think this is pointless?" she asked and I was amazed she could still make a face like that and had my dad working to get her smiling again.

I was glad that I didn't ask my question. Especially when we got back. "Anya?" I saw only her standing there and looked around the courtyard to make sure P'Arthit really wasn't anywhere around. "Where's P'Arthit?"

She pressed her lips together and met my gaze cautiously. "P'Arthit is upstairs," she said, "I—"

My brows squeezed together in partial impatience at her sudden challenge in finding words.

"Maybe you should go to him instead."

Nothing sounded more ominous than that. I didn't bother trying to get her to talk and walked past her.

"Hold on, we haven't checked who won," my mom called after me.

"It was a competition?" I heard my dad say even as I continued on.

I don't know what I was walking into or what happened but I just needed to see him. It was the simplest impulse in the world. But yet I was worried.

"P'Arthit?" I walked into my room and there he was standing by the window\balcony. He didn't answer me and I shut the door behind me. "Are you alright?"

He turned to me, his eyes shut to me like he tended to do when he was feeling something that he didn't want me to see so he presented it as anger.

"What's wrong?" I couldn't imagine what could have happened between the few hours we had spent apart.

"She knows," P'Arthit said. "Anya knows about us."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The truth was I didn't mind going with Anya. Unlike Kongpob, I didn't see her plotting with his mother to couple him with her. She wasn't poor, she wasn't needy, she was self-reliant and confident and she didn't need to have Kongpob. I was pretty comfortable with her, but I don't think she is with me.

I can see her glance at me and look away while I took pictures of a mother duck and her ducklings. She seemed to have a lot on her mind and I had no idea what to say to her to get her to talk, or if she should talk to me.

"Are you alright, Anya?" I settled for asking.

"Um, I'm fine." She replied and tugged at the straw hat she was wearing, likely borrowed from Kong's mother.

"What about you P'Arthit, are you alright?"

The question sounded loaded and she looked at me like she expected me to say something meaningful. I simply nodded and continued walking.

I was pretty okay with silence but I didn't want her to feel bored." So what was it like in the army?"

She exhaled, "it wasn't always great, there was a lot of blood. I never went into the field," she raised her hand as if to stop me from being alarmed— I wasn't. "I was a strictly indoor medic, I took care of any wounded they could bring in. "

I nodded to show I was listening and raised my camera to take a spectacular view of the ocean I could see through the cracks between the trees. This place was like a beautiful jungle with some levels of modernization. I could see the power lines hanging a bit too low with the trees and the walk highlighted by a series with light poles on the side. It was nice.

"So you have never been on a vacation," I asked when she stayed quiet. I got the feeling like she was watching me. It wasn't comfortable. What was she looking at, or for?

"Uh, no. not really, not with family or anyone."

"Don't you have friends?"

"I do, fellow medics but they live quite far away."

I nodded, sharing the feeling of having good friends you can't see often. Ai'brght was busy with his bar and when Kongpob and I moved we put a bit more distance between us. The others were living their lives and occasionally we talked, but getting together was a very rare and precious thing for us.

"Well, you have us now. Kongpob and I," I offered. I could see Kongpob's eyebrow climbing at this even though he wasn't here and I smiled. He wouldn't like me welcoming Anya into the fold.

"Really?" she sounded so surprised I had to stop and take in her face. She was a little shorter than me, petite and she had this innocence about her that made me decide she wasn't my enemy.

"Really, "I let out a small smile," I'm okay with it if you are."  
"I am, P'Arthit, but wouldn't Kongpob be mad?"

I shrugged, "he will understand. Forgive him for how he has been acting towards you," I had to add then wince internally at how I sounded like his partner. I was but no one needed to know that, not yet.

I avoided her face to hide my blunder.

"I understand. Kongpob was trying to protect what is important to him, right?"

I thought about that and nodded" in his own stupid way, I guess."

I knew what Kongpob was thinking; that his mother was still plotting to get him together with Anya, even though she said she wouldn't. He was being so irritatingly paranoid.

"I understand him; if I had something I loved I would protect it too."

That made me pause then I turned and looked at her, "what do you mean?" I asked.

"hm?" she seemed to become flustered, "I—I just mean that he is um really, um he really loves his family."

That made absolutely no sense to me. "I guess, "I said. If this was a comic, I would have question marks all over my face.

"Kongpob is, I just like how strong he is about everything but I am worried for him too." She was not making sense to me but there was sincerity in her voice and she had this lost in space look. Could it be that she likes Kongpob? Was I wrong in thinking she didn't? They only met a week ago, why would she already like him.

"Did you know Kongpob before you two met at his parents place?" I asked to be sure.

"no." her answer was finite, "of course not, my father and his father got in contact last week, a week after I came back from the army. Why do you ask?"

I shrugged, "it just sounded like you know Kongpob well."

"Ah, I study people. I guess that's why I know…"

"You know what?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to say. I don't think it is my place, but just so you know I won't tell anybody. No one would ever know, not from me. I will keep my mouth shut and take it to my grave. I just… since we are going to be friends I don't want to keep this from you. You are so nice P'Arthit."

Horror began to dawn on me as my mind argued that it couldn't be, she couldn't know. There was no way. But her words, the look of apology, I couldn't deny it for what it was. Did Anya know about us? About me and Kongpob?

"I really didn't mean to stumble on your secret—"

"Stop, "I said. "What are you telling me?"

She blinked then her mouth fell open and her eyes went wide. "Oh I'm so sorry, I shouldn't—I just, please P'Arthit—"she tried to hold my hand but I pulled it away quietly.

"What do you think you know?" I asked.

"I know about you and Kongpob." She said eyes lowered.

I stayed perfectly still. "What about me and Kongpob?"

Her eyes flew to mine like she didn't expect that. "Well, I saw the two of you, I saw you two hugging. Back at the restaurant."

"So?"

"What?"

I coldly sighed, "I don't know what you are implying but please don't share things like that with other people."

"But P'Arthit?"

"I understand that you like BL?" I said, holding her gaze.

"Yes but—"

"This is my life, don't mess with it for your own pleasure." I was so severe I nearly convinced myself but my heart was racing, my palms were sweating as I pictured what would happen if she talked to Kong's mom or dad.

"I—"she was speechless and I guess my reaction was not what she had expected. My reaction was not what I expected. It's not like threatening her or pretending I didn't know what she was talking about would change what she saw and she must be pretty certain.

I turned away from her. "We should go back, they must be back by now," I said.

She didn't reply but when I walked past her to start climbing the stairs back up, she followed. I was grateful and all I could think was that Anya was a danger. She has only been in our lives for a week and already she knows? We needed to keep her at a distance.

We arrived shortly before nightfall and I excused myself to go upstairs to Kong's room and wait for him. I told myself that I won't show my worry to him, that I won't let him see that I was afraid about Anya telling everyone, that this vacation might turn to be our hell soon once the truth came out. I knew Kong didn't see it the way I did, for him he saw acceptance, unconditional love, and maybe he would get it, maybe I would be the one shunned and told that I was ruining his life.

Kong's mom loved him to death; he was her only son and the baby of the family. She wouldn't be happy to see that after welcoming me into her home I went behind her back and got her son to be in love with me. That is how she would see it, after all Kongpob was not gay.

"P'Arthit?"

He was finally back and I waited till he closed the door to turn and meet his eyes. I was angry at myself for slipping up so well and truly in front of Anya. I couldn't think of anything that I could have said to make her see things differently but I felt that it was my fault. If I had not gone after Kongpob that night convinced he was being unfaithful, if I had trusted him then she wouldn't have seen us and jumped to her own conclusions.

"What's wrong P'Arthit?"

"She knows, "I said, "Anya knows about us."

His eyes go wide and then he shook his head and walked over to me. "How?"

"She saw us, hugging."

He squinted. "But it's not very—"

"Not with the way we hugged, Kongpob," I interrupted whatever he was going to say, sigh and ran my fingers through my hair.

"I all but told her she was wrong and to mind her own business. I was not very convincing and now I think I have done the wrong thing. Maybe I should have accepted it and told her not to tell anyone," I turned around to meet his eyes. "Do you think she would have listened?"

Kong shook his head, "I don't know her that well. "He paused and his eyes went over me searchingly. "Should I go talk to her?"

"What would you say? Besides you going to her would be the same thing as confirming what she is saying."

We heard a knock on the door and stopped talking.

"Um, Kongpob, P'Arthit?" it was Anya.

I frowned at Kong and he was just as befuddled.

"Um, do you want something Anya," he said. We were not opening the door just yet.

"I just want to talk," she replied.

What could she possibly have to say?

Kong lifted a brow in askance and glance at the door to me. I nodded and crossed my arms. Let's hear what she wanted to say. So he walked to the door and opened it slightly before stepping away to allow her in.

She looked distressed and when her eyes landed on me they avoided mine and settled on the window behind me.

"I'm sorry, P'Arthit, I think I came to you all wrong," she began.

"Why did you tell him," Kong asked. He was standing behind her, back to the door and we made a pretty interesting picture which felt like two big guys crowding on a little girl.

The imagery let me sigh and drop my hands from my defensive posture.

"We talked just what four days ago, you didn't say anything to me."

I didn't understand Kong's line of questioning but I wanted the answer.

"I… I wasn't sure at first." She looked towards him, "I needed to know that I was right so I… followed you."

"You what?" my jaw nearly hit the ground.

She sighed, "I mean I stalked you. I do that, when I want to get to know a new BL couple, and I took pictures."

Kong's sharp breath echoed my own but I kept my cool because I knew she couldn't have seen anything to confirm her thought.

"So? Did you find anything?"

"Not at first, I didn't get any pictorial evidence. I just talked to your neighbors and they told me that you," she looked at Kong, "spend almost every weekend over at P'Arthit's."

"And that was enough for you," Kong said.

"This is, "she said, looking at the ground between us. I knew she meant our interrogating her. If she didn't believe it before this pretty much confirmed it.

"So what do you want?"

"Want?" she looked at me like I was confusing her and my patience was running thin.

"You did all this because you want something right?"

Kong didn't help her out if that glance she gave him was a cry for help. "No, I'm just… I don't want anything, except I don't know why no one else knows. Why you haven't told them."

I expected the look Kong gave me and he already knew my answer. "That is kind of personal, Anya, "he said, "but in the mean time we would both be grateful if you don't tell anyone for now."

"It's not that we plan not to tell them at all, we just need more time and then we will tell everyone. Until then if it comes from someone else besides us it would not go over well." I told her because at this point we needed her to cooperate with us. She can't go off on her own and let this get out of hand. Hopefully she cared enough. My initial denial didn't put her in our favor, I don't think.

"Oh, I would never. Look, I like you guys, I don't want to do anything that could hurt you." she sounded sincere but I still couldn't understand her. Why she was so passionate about this, why she took it upon herself to nose into our business. I still didn't appreciate her for it but if she kept quiet about this then that would be great.

"So you won't say anything?" I asked.

"No, I won't. But I think you guys should, mom would be very upset if she hears about it but it would be okay in the long run."

I nodded, "anyway, thanks." I already knew that we would get hurt no matter how long we took, in fact, I think the longer we kept quiet the more hurt we would cause and have to bear but at least we would both be in a safe place. Kongpob would be where his father needed him to be and his mom would have the assurance that her son's life will not be destroyed by this.

I sighed and looked out the window; I don't really know what I was doing. I just didn't want to hurt Kong's family, they meant a lot to me.

The door was pushed and I turned to see Kong move away just as it opened with some force. "What—" Kong's mom looked at us and settled briefly on Anya, "what are you all doing?"

"We were just talking," Anya laughed and walked over to hook their hands together, "mom, Kongpob and I made up, finally, he was just being cautious."

"Kongpob," she stressed the word, "I already told you I'm not setting you up with Anya. So please stop ganging up on her."

I hide a smile at Kongpob's spluttering attempt to deny it.

"Whatever. Arthit son, are you hungry, I'm making something special," she smiled at me.

"Yes, do you need any help, mom?" I asked walking forward.

"Yes dear, I wouldn't mind the company. "To Kongpob she said, "Your father has taken to the TV, see that he does other things will you, honey."

He nodded and even though it felt like the conversation was not over because we still did not know what Anya wanted, we all agreed without words to push it to another day.

"I will help out mom, "Anya followed us to the kitchen and whiles my presence there was mostly useless, she looked like she was not new to the kitchen, like it was a usual playing field for her and of course Kong's mom wouldn't stop gushing over her for that. They seemed to be in sync. Before she needed the pepper, Anya was there with it, if she forgot something, Anya already added it and I just stood by the sidelines appreciating the delicious aroma wafting my way and salivating over the food.

We had a nice meal together then we played a few games and when it was almost midnight, we all went to bed one by one. Anya first.

I was in my room trying to sleep. For some reason I still felt energetic and unable to sleep. I was thinking of giving up and taking a walk, my eyes now used to the fancy room with the white and pink flowered wall paper and the blue cream curtains, when I heard the door.

It was a light rap that wouldn't have disturbed me if I was sleeping. I sat up and left my blanket around my waist but I didn't immediately reply. I wanted to be sure it was a knock.

It came again and it didn't come from the door but from the window. The window was those types that were part balcony with a two door French like pattern. I climbed out of bed cautiously because what could be knocking on my window.

Okay I am not a fan of ghosts. I looked around for somewhere I could easily escape to if it was something scary. Since the room was in darkness I could see someone outside the window even through the curtains.

I took two steps back away from that very fast and swallowed hard. I didn't want to cry out in alarm but it was a near thing.

"P'Arthit?" my heart jumped. The ghost knew my name and it sounded strangely like Kongpob. I frowned and cautiously opened the window but I took two fast steps back just in case.

The curtains were flogged back by the wind and I see him under moon light grinning. I stared at him speechlessly.

"Kongpob," I said dumb struck. He was hanging from a freaking rope and grinning like he did that every day.

I hurried forward to get a good look at the distance he was coming from and I was terrified for him.

"Hey, "he whispered and I glared at him.

"Hey my ass, what the hell are you doing."

"Stealing you away. I'm your peter pan." It was so not funny I laughed anyway. He kept smiling, pleased with himself.

"Idiot, can you just stop hanging like some freaking monkey?" I tried to reach for him and pull him into the room but he held out a hand and stopped me.

"Come on, let's go up there."

"up where?" I hoped he was kidding and that he didn't think I would be climbing that rope anywhere.

"The roof. Be quick P'Arthit, mom and dad could hear us."

He was right. Kong's mom and dad were right across the door from me.

"Why did you have to come tonight, "I complained.

"ssh," he even shushed me and I let my expression tell him what I thought of that. "I want to show you something," he said and started climbing back up and what could I do but follow him.

I took one last glance around the empty room before cautiously grabbing the rope with both hands and then I pulled myself up onto it. It wasn't as hard as I feared and I was soon passing Kongpob's window and then the arctic window then I see him looking down at me on the roof, waiting.

He reached for me to 'helpfully pull me up' but all that did was tangle me up and when I was free I came down tumbling on him. Good thing the roof was actually strong but we might have the whole family on us soon from the loud bang of our fall.

He began laughing and the more I tried to shush him the more he found it funny. As I sat up he sat up with me and our face came really close till our lips could have touched but then he wasn't done moving and our lips touched but so did our foreheads and it wasn't a very pleasant bump.

'ow!" I fell back with a loud groan and then he shushed me. I wanted to kick him. He caught my leg and pulled me into a very awkward position.

My legs were somehow around his waist and I was seating on his thighs. My blush burned hot. He was smiling and looking at me with these soft eyes that were like melted caramel and sent my heart beating faster.

"Hey, sorry about… all that," he said. He didn't look sorry, he just looked like someone looking at something special and I was feeling so embarrassed. I couldn't get used to being looked at like that, like I meant everything to him, like in this moment I was all that mattered. It did things to my heart and made me more aware that I couldn't live without this man and I lowered my face to hide.

He cupped my face and tried to force my face up but I wasn't having any of it. "Hey, let go," I said.

He chuckled, "I want to look at you, I did everything I could not to look at you too much today."

I cocked up one eyebrow and raised my head, "yeah right, you've been giving me looks all day," I argued.

"Well I said I tried, now I want to look at you without restraint or fear."

"Well not in this position," I made to move but he caught my arms.

"Why not? No one can see us."

"But we made a lot of noise."

"You think anyone would think it's anything but animals?"

I thought about it and shrugged, "I guess not, but it's still awkward."

He smooths something from my cheeks, "I think it is perfect,"

I laughed, "Kongpob we are not going to have an entire conversation sitting like this."

"Why not," he asked and I rolled my eyes.

"First your legs are going to get tired," I said.

"Let's wait for that," he said. I already knew he was going to say that so I gave up. I face palmed at his predictability.

"What did you want to show me?"

His eyes went behind me," come on, turn around for a bit,"

"I thought you wanted me to stay like this, "I teased, thinking he was tired already.

"Yeah, but what I want you to see is behind you," I turned around with his help and I saw a very unique sight. At the horizon it looked like the sky was pink. It was still night and it was really a sight.

Kongpob wrapped his arms around my shoulders, I was now seated between his legs, and he pulled me in till my back was pressed to his chest.

"What is that?"

He gave me some brief explanation as to why this happens and I understood the gist of it.

"How do you know it would happen tonight?"

"I didn't, I meant to use it as a sign."

"A sign for what?"

"For whether we could trust Anya or not." He sighed. "I wanted to ask you again if we couldn't just come out."

I ignored that because I knew we wouldn't stop talking about that once we started. "So the pink sky means trust Anya?"

"No, it means don't. But I don't see what she could gain from doing anything. Even if my parents know, the only people affected are us and my parents. She doesn't hate us, if anything she is just a fan. "

"So what do you want to do?"

"Can't we tell them?"

I didn't bother answering," okay, then let's take it like this, if we see this sky again tomorrow then we will tell them."

I didn't want to make promises I couldn't keep but I was curious. I tilted my head up and met his eyes, "does the sky come so frequently?"

"No, it depends on the gas in the sky."

"Then it's very possible that it wouldn't come up again."

"yeah." I looked away and nodded softly. I knew I was hurting Kong and disappointing him but it was for both our sake.

I felt him sigh then he buried his face into my neck. I patted his head and my fingers dipped into his incredibly soft hair. I gave his scalp a soft massage and caressed his face till he raised it a bit and we shared that look where I apologized and he forgave and understand, then I kissed him.

He moaned and pushed forward to kiss me harder. I let him have as much as he needed and then we sat there and talked.

It was two hours later that we finally returned to our rooms.


End file.
